


Dragged to Hell by This Tsundere Saint!

by PandaMaki



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Smut (Later on or sometime)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:15:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23577526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaMaki/pseuds/PandaMaki
Summary: Pale as ashy snow, she walks about Chaldea in her obsidian armor.She bears the visage of a young maiden - yet, a look of disdain or a sneer is mostly at home on her face.A maiden that once fought in His name, but in her final moments, she felt abandonment and betrayal once she was left behind by the creator she once swore her life to.This was the fallen saint -The Dragon Witch, Jeanne D’Arc Alter.Born out of a mad caster’s wish, she was never supposed to exist -
Relationships: Jeanne d'Arc Alter | Avenger/Fujimaru Ritsuka, Jeanne d'Arc | Ruler/Fujimaru Ritsuka
Comments: 9
Kudos: 45





	1. A Requiem for Orleans, A Beginning for Chaldea

Honestly, it was a rather rough start for both of us -

I mean, Jesus, she was dead set on killing me and my servants. Shit, even that fever dream of an event with Da Vinci and the counterfeits. She was there too, but seeing her there was a melancholic sight.

I still remembered that time so vividly.

There she was, creating mirrors of my servants to give her love and connections that she had yet to experience.

Something she'd never really experience until she was born out of a madman wishing.

"The future me will form a bond with you. The current me will have a hearty laugh and go off into the sunset." she said in a bittersweet tone, accepting her fate at that point.

I felt more layers to those fleeting words -

There was clearly more hurt in that heart of her's; After all, she's the shadow of the sunny faced Maid of Orleans.

I decided to walk to her and I sat on the floor..

"Wha-?"

I gestured to her to come sit down with me.

"...A strange master with an even stranger request. What exactly are you trying to pull off here?"

The pale maiden reluctantly followed suit in sitting down with me. Although, as she tried to get down on her one knee, her knee gave in and she lost her balance.

With rather luckily timed reflexes, I caught her gently.

I then held her hand in mine and let her rest her head on my lap.

Composing myself, I said "So be it then," I gently patted her head as she rested upon me. "I'll stay here and be with you as you laugh your last, Jeanne"

A face of disbelief and shock marred her features, but it was quickly replaced by a blushing, melancholic expression on her face.

Averting her eyes from me, "Fine. D-do what you wish, idiot".

Initially, she seemed uncomfortable about her position. Soon enough, she relaxed and looked at me with a face of amusement.

"Heh, you really are a weird one. Initially, we were fighting to the death, but now, you dare lower your guard and let me rest upon you? Humanity may just fall thanks to your idiocy."

I gave her a small chuckle and smiled.

"You looked lonely, you know? I didn't want to send you off with such bitter feelings in your last moments." I said softly.

Sighing out of mock irritation, "Heh, I'll let it slide then. After all, to the victor go the spoils, non?"

For the remnants of our interaction here, I would just pat her on the head and tell her that she was going to be alright.

Finally, I watched as her body broke down into those oh so familiar golden lights.

"I suppose this is it then, huh?" She said as she looked over at her once whole hand.

Gently cupping my cheek, "Take care of future me, hm? I'll bite as much, but stay for her like you stayed for me this time. That will be my last request for you, master of Chaldea." She said as she handed me something in my free hand.

It felt rather soft and oddly familiar.

Smiling wistfully, "I'll see you around then, Jeanne."

The last expression I saw on her pale face was a gentle smile of comfort.

I stood up from my spot and looked back to see my current party of servants.

"Well, well, I had no idea Master-dono was so flirtatious on the battlefield ~" teased a dark purple haired girl in an elaborately designed kimono.

"O-oi! Oui, that wasn't my intention and you know that!" I tried firing back at the smirking painter. Hokusai shrugged nonchalantly, "Whatever you say, Master ~" She looks at her tiny octopus companion, "Still, this gives us something to paint, right Toto-sama?"

Yeah, that octopus floating about her? That's Katsushika Hokusai. That painter girl is his daughter, Oui. Get it right, I've been confused about these two ever since that other fever dream with her.

"Stop teasing the poor heartbreaker here, Oui. It's about time we got back anyways." said momm- Emiya in his usually motherlike self.

Eventually, we walked away from where Jeanne was laid to rest and I noticed Mash looking at my hand rather pensively.

"A Saint quartz for your thoughts, Mash?"

Mash looked at me bashfully for noticing her intent gaze.

"...My thoughts aren't that expensive, Senpai." She said as she softly laughed afterwards.

"Ask away though, Mash."

"Senpai?" Mash asked curiously as we walked side-by-side. "What did Jeanne give you exactly?"

I opened my hand and there was a familiar obsidian cloth, faintly smelling like cinders of a great fire. Oddly enough, it was smooth and silky to the touch, even if it did look like it came from a field razed by hell. As she looked upon my hand, she serenely smiled at it.

"...Well, small things lead to new beginnings, don't they, Mash? I'm not quite sure what sort of future it would be, but it would be a hell of a ride."

"I suppose so, Senpai."

Some time passed after that and after dealing with the Okeanos singularity, I decided to try summoning a certain Servant to come stay here in Chaldea.

Walking to the summoning circle, I brought my catalyst with me.

It was still the same tattered cloth of Jeanne Alter's mantle. Oddly enough, its faint scent of freshly burnt cinders never faded away. As if reminding me of my last promise with her has yet to be fulfilled.

"You ready, Fujimaru?" asked Romani.

"As ready, as I'll ever be for this." I said with determination as I held out my hand and channeled my mana.

"I stand as the final master of humanity, the final bastion of life as it is. My fate as such, is to bring everything to order and protect the lives of all. I pray, as iron and magics have struck me asunder, to bring forth a servant worthy to stand with me as we preserve the world we stand upon. "

Closing my eyes as I finally said the last line of my ritual, "Come forth and swear thy loyalty to me as I swear mine upon you!"

A bright golden, prismatic light filled the room -

Soon enough, the light faded away, and I heard an all too familiar maiden's biting tone:

"Servant, Avenger. Summoned upon your request …"

She took a few steps forward and looked me over menacingly.

I couldn't help but feel surprised with a tinge of fear even.

She continued her little introduction, "What's with that look?" She said as she pointed her sword towards me. "Come on, here's the contract."

She ended it with a rather menacing grin on her face.

Smiling warmly, I said "Welcome to Chaldea, Jeanne."

**Blooper: The New Servant is - ?!**

"You ready, Fujimaru?" asked Romani.

"As ready, as I'll ever be for this." I said with determination as I held out my hand and channeled my mana.

"I stand as the final master of humanity, the final bastion of life as it is. My fate as such, is to bring everything to order and protect the lives of all. I pray, as iron and magics have struck me asunder, to bring forth a servant worthy to stand with me as we preserve the world we stand upon. "

Closing my eyes as I finally said the last line of my ritual,

"Come forth and swear thy loyalty to me as I swear mine upon you!"

A bright golden, prismatic light filled the room -

A very familiar servant popped out from the golden light.

It was a tall muscular warrior bearing glowing tattoos upon his chest. Upon his head was a long mane of white hair and in his hand an even more familiar sword.

"Saber, Siegfried. I have come in response to your summon. Please give me the order."

_Sumanai._

Siegfried looked at me in recognition and surprise.

"Oh? Master, you called for me once more?"

_Sumanai._

"A-ah well, not exactly Siegfried..."

"Ah, am I another duplicate?"

I nodded my head as I controlled my inner annoyance at once again summoning Siegfried.

_Sumanai._

I see the warrior's face fall into an ashamed look.

Uh oh. Don't you dare say it.

"Master, -"

Don't.

"-I apologize for answering your summon at the wrong time..."

DON'T.

"Sumanai."

I suddenly got incredibly dizzy and sick as I heard that accursed line once more.

I felt my whole world rocking about harder than the time Nero decided to pounce on me from above the ceiling to surprise me as a prank.

THUD.

I felt my head hit the floor.

I see the light now.

Why must the gacha be so cruel to me even now?

"SENPAI!" Mash cried out as soon as she realized that her senpai just passed out in front of everyone.


	2. A Rather "Warm" Welcome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thus, the pale maiden has made the first step with her Master in their bond together.
> 
> While Chaldea is hidden atop snowy mountains, within the pristine interior of the organization are all sorts of faces and personalities.
> 
> A chaotic mess of people, but Jeanne has to get used to her new home and its tenants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> PandaMaki here ~  
> Just wanted to say how glad I am that there are already people reading my first attempt at a fanfiction!  
> Jeanne Alter just so happens to be one of my fave FGO characters and I hope I'm doing her character and the rest of the cast justice ~
> 
> Hope you all stick around for this story, thanksies ~

Surely enough, Jeanne Alter was quite skeptical about the warm reception I gave her.

Counterfeit J'Alter had been right all along: This future J'Alter had no memory of whatever transpired in that singularity of mirror servants.

"Master of Chaldea, why have you brought me here?" She asked whilst narrowing her eyes at me, "Is this your idea of a joke? Hm?"

"Ah, well, it just so happened that you ... "

Shit. What's a good excuse for this? She'd beat me senseless if I just told her another Alter handed it to me.

As if fate decided that the dragon witch still wasn't uncomfortable enough, her sunny and bright counterpart had decided to walk in at this moment.

"Morning, Master! We headed out to-" Jeanne stopped mid-sentence as her ocean eyes met eyes of scathing yellow.

"Eh, Alter me? Is that you?"

"Tch! Why are you of all people here?!"

Alter had decided to point her sword accusingly to her original self.

"Alter, we don't have to fight here." Jeanne was rather steadfast and firm, but inside she was nervous about how badly the situation might escalate from here.

Sparing me a glance, Alter asked "Do you really expect me to fight side by side with this God loving me? She's still just as naive looking as the last time I saw her."

I have to be rather careful with my answers here.

I could feel Mash, Jeanne, and Romani's worried glances upon me.

Taking a deep breath, I said "Alter, I'm not going to force you to work alongside this version of you. However, I do expect you to at least try getting along with all the people and servants here, Jeanne included."

Luckily enough, Alter had decided to sheathe her blade away after a few more tense moments.

Oh sweet baby Jesus, was that stressful.

"Hmph, that bodes well with me, Master." She drawled out my name in mock respect.

Alter gives her other self a glance and says, "Just as long as you don't bother me nor get in my way, I won't be skewering and scorching your do-gooder self on Chaldea's walls."

Deciding that this was her Alter's way of saying she'd be civil enough, Jeanne decided to just smile and nod to the request.

"So be it then. Still, don't hesitate to ask me or the others for help here, okay?" She asked her other self in her usually bright and sunny self.

Appalled and slightly embarrassed at the thought of it, Alter seemed to fidget a bit at her other self's words.

"Dream on, lapdog. It'll be an eternity till you'll even come close to me asking you for aid."

Jeanne just shrugged and smiled at her other self's rough nature.

This isn't going to be as difficult at least.

Don't jinx me now.

"Very well, I'll take my leave then. Why don't you show me around this cesspool you call a base, Master?

Realizing that she had no idea where she was, I understood the need for her request.

Not what I expected, but a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

As Alter and I walked out of the summoning room, I saw Mash, Romani, and Jeanne giving me nods and smiles of approval and they were holding up a supportive banner that read: "Good Luck Master!"

Upon closer look, I read some finer text that read: "Don't let her end up burning Chaldea. Please. You got this though!"

Real supportive, everyone.

My attention was quickly brought back by a very strong hand pulling on my top.

"Master! The quicker you show me around this place, the less servants I'll have to burn out of my way when I get lost here." She growled at me as she was practically dragging me out the door.

Soon enough, I spent the whole day showing Jeanne Alter around Chaldea. She pretty much looked over the places with slight interest and looked at the servants strutting about and introducing themselves.

Jeanne was quite warm with introductions herself.

In her own cruel and mischievous way, of course.

We decided to take a break in the common area, where most of Chaldea's people sat about to look over the snowy scenery.

After all, I wanted her to at least get acquainted with her new home.

That and I'm a bit tired from having to restrain Alter from pointing her blade at people that flat out annoyed her. She's still rough around the edges, but in time she'll grow more comfy around here.

"Is it always this snowy, Master?" Jeanne asked as she looked over the pale mountain range and the clear skies above.

"Yep. Chaldea's always been snowing like this ever since I got here." I say as I join her in looking at the scenery as well.

"Hm, it's too cold here. Don't you think so, Master?"

"I suppose it does get chilly every now and then"

She moved a bit closer to my ear, "Would you mind if I burned this place to the ground then? To keep everyone here nice and toasty?"

"Yeah su-"

Wait, what?

I quickly turn my head towards her with a worried look.

"H-hey! Don't do that, Jeanne!"

Seeing my worried look, Alter just laughed at my expense.

"It's just a joke, Master ~" She continued laughing so elegantly, "Ahh, that look of despair etched on your face is beautiful, non?"

I pouted at her really dark idea of joke.

"It'll do for now, however. This Chaldea may seem utterly plain, but it beats living in the boonies or being tied to a stake."

Seeing a rather worried look on her face, I decided to pat her shoulder to ease her worries.

She recoiled a bit at the contact and pushed my hand away from her shoulder.

"Get your hands off me!" She yelled out in annoyance towards me.

I just give her a cheeky grin.

Still, it's been a rather uneventful walk around Chaldea, Alter's threatening bluffs to other servants aside.

Yes, very uneven-

I suddenly heard someone's rapid steps approaching behind.

Looking back, I looked upon a blonde clad in red making her way towards us.

I take back what I was about to say.

It's gonna be quite a ride for Alter once she meets a certain flamboyant emperor in red strutting about the halls of Chaldea.

Scratch that.

The fun-sized emperor decided to regale us in her royal presence once she got close enough.

"Praetor! A lovely day is it not?"

**Blooper: Chaldea Break Room I**

While the sole master of Chaldea and Avenger were exploring the halls of the organization, a merry band of servants were all huddled up at a table in the break room.

An Eastern-inspired themed room complete with tatami mats, tables, seats, premade snacks and drinks prepared by a certain motherly servant, this place served as a place of respite for Chaldea's Heroic Spirits.

Gossip sharing and storytelling were common pastimes in this cozy space.

At the head of the table, was a kitsune girl clad in blue robes.

This foxy, buxom Caster was none other than Tamamo-no-Mae, a famous fox spirit courtesan in Japanese mythology.

Aside from that, she's the de facto leader of keeping tabs on gossip and rumors that go about in Chaldea. She pitched the idea of a break room to her Master and after convincing Da Vinci with QP and a fair handful of Saint Quartz (Something that her Master had been very reluctant to give out for a break room), they were able to have the break room constructed.

Other than the foxy Caster, there were other servants in the room.

The Cavern King in his dark green formal attire, Edmond Dantes. This Avenger class servant wasn't necessarily engaging in gossip sharing but preferred to listen in to such conversations out of interest. Other than that, he's the man that acts as a barista for the break room.

Long story short, he made coffee once for his fellow servants and they decided to just make him the sole barista of the break room since his coffee was just too good and Emiya just couldn't be in two places at once.

Seated next to Tamamo, was a short dark-skinned Caster girl with purple hair and jackal ears on top of her head. One of the many pharaohs of Egypt, this was Nitocris. She keeps her eyes and ears open for things that just go about in Chaldea. That and she finds comfort in spending time with her fellows. On her lap was a small blanket ghost with feet protruding from the bottom of it, which she would hold and pet for comfort.

On the other seat next to Tamamo, was a petite Rider with white hair styled into twin tails and an outfit consisting of a red hat and clothes. This was the Queen of France, Marie Antoinette. Out of curiosity and a need to mingle with the people around her, the petite queen's sociable self was able to mesh well with many of Chaldea's people. She came to the break room as she heard about Edmond's exquisite coffee and while waiting, she decided to chat up Tamamo and Nitocris.

The last servant in the room was a purple haired painter girl with elaborate hairpieces and an even more elaborate kimono. Despite the extravagantly dressed appearance, she carried herself in a simple and relaxed manner as her slippers were kicked to the inside of the table. This was none other than Katsushika Hokusai, Foreigner class servant. More accurately, this was Hokusai's daughter, Oui.

Like Edmond, she preferred to listen more to the gossip. Still, that didn't stop the eccentric painter from chipping in her own two cents into the conversation. That aside, she stays in the break room every now and then to snack and drink some tea while working on her paintings.

The current topic of interest in the room was none other than Jeanne Alter, the newbie Avenger that came into Chaldea.

Tamamo decided to start and open up that topic with the servants in the room

"An Avenger-class servant, hm? Say, say, she's really got that temper of hers dialed to 11 from what I hear."

Nitocris nodded her head in agreement and said her piece,

"Mhm, she is an Avenger! She had those vengeful looking eyes that were ready to kill on instant, although …"

Seeing the way the conversation was going, Marie decided to finish the pharaoh's line of thought.

"...Edmond has similarly menacing ones yet he doesn't seem to have the same kind of hair trigger that Jeanne Alter has."

The gossipy trio looked expectantly at the lone male servant in the room.

Unsure how to answer, Edmond merely shrugged.

"Don't ask me, I'm not sure either why she's got such a temper" He said as he was wiping a freshly washed mug with a cloth.

"Still, you have to give props to the Master for being able to handle her temper and death threats. It certainly takes someone with steadfast patience to hang around such a fiery person."

"Mikon! How interesting ~" Mused the kitsune, "I wonder if anything happened to Master and her in Orleans, was it?"

As the sole servant in the room that was involved in the Orleans Singularity, Marie answered Tamamo's query.

"I'm not quite sure about that, I was sent back to the Throne way before Master-dono and his party were able to reach Jeanne Alter."

The gossipy trio seemed a bit stumped at their lack of information.

However, a certain eccentric painter had a devious scheme in mind.

She briefly put her brush to the side and cleared her throat.

"Ho? Information on that raven-clad Avenger?" Oui started with a rather amused tone, "I just happen to have some information on little old her ~"

The trio looked at Oui with their jaws dropped in surprise.

"O-Oui?! You know something about this?" A surprised Nitocris spoke first in response to the bomb Oui dropped for them.

Edmond raised his eyebrow at what possible thing Hokusai could know about his fellow Avenger.

That, and he's well aware of Oui's schemes at this point.

In short, this may not end too well in the long run for the trio.

"I was with Master and the others in that pseudo-singularity after all. Heh, you three certainly missed out on a very scandalous sight ~"

"Oui! You gotta spill that right now! We're dying to know something about Jeanne's edgy, edgy self in black all over!" The kitsune exclaimed in a very pleading tone.

"Well ~ I just might be convinced to give away such vital information…"

Oui looked at the trio with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"...at an equivalent cost, of course ~"

Marie looked at her curiously and asked,

"Hmm? What materials do you want from us or are you asking for sufficient monetary compensation?"

Tamamo seemed to feel goosebumps as she had a feeling where this conversation was headed with the painter.

"...How many, Oui?"

"Huh?" "What?"

The other two females of the trio seemed blissfully unaware of the conversation's context.

Smiling at how fast Tamamo understood the price of her information, she looked her straight in the eye.

"1 painting for each member of your little trio."

Widening her eyes slightly, Tamamo responded.

"1 painting? How generous of you today, Oui ~"

The other two members of the trio looked at Tamamo for information.

Sensing the inquisitive looks on her companions' faces, she answered them.

"Our payment to Hokusai is basically her asking for permission to paint us in rather suggestive positions. Nothing too racy, but something that's less than wholesome."

Scrunching her face, Tamamo remembered how long she had to stay still in place while Oui painted her. If she moved an inch, Oui's octopus of a father would gently whack a clean paintbrush on her body.

Understanding the method of payment and the stakes at hand, Marie sounds her approval over the matter of payment.

"A pin-up painting of me? Well, I've certainly had paintings of me done before, so this will be no issue to me, Oui!"

Seeing that her servant friends were joining in as well, Nitocris also sounded her approval.

"Hm! Well, a pharaoh immortalized in your exquisite painting style would bring me much honor, so very well! I will graciously accept such a method of payment to repay your information."

Oui clapped her hands and excitedly smiled over the new art she'd be making quite soon.

"Great to hear then!"

Oui sat herself in a more upright position as she got ready to share what she saw happen between Master and Jeanne Alter.

"Now, where do I begin, hmm ~?"

Dantes looked over the lively conversation in amusement and smiled to himself.

Although, he couldn't help but notice how Oui's smile seemed a bit sinister for a split second, but he dismissed it as a trick of the light and went back to listening.

Little did anyone know that Oui and her Toto-sama were secretly managing a website online. Master decided to show her how computers and technology worked when she first arrived in Chaldea, so she ended up requesting a personal computer for her own needs and interests as she grew more interested in the device.

At first, it had been harmlessly searching for images to paint for reference.

However, she came across a curious site named "HNentai". It had been filled with several interesting and tasteful illustrations and to Oui, this was no more than just another expression of art to be displayed to the public.

She soon found out that some of these revealing artworks could be monetized.

One thing lead to another, and she now secretly uploads the pin-ups of her fellow servants. She uploads her artworks or "sauce", as the rest of the people online aptly called it, on various sites for a nice tidy sum for them.

Poor girls, but more money and material for us right, Pops?

The Isedaiko group had claimed yet another victim for their sauce collection online.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh.
> 
> "HNentai.net"
> 
> Nobody will suspect a thing ~
> 
> Fucking 200 IQ move
> 
> :>


	3. The Waltz of Roma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeanne's first day at Chaldea went without a hitch, quite uneventful actually.
> 
> She did not expect the Roma Empire.
> 
> P.S. Please feel free to leave comments / reviews ~ ! Thanksies!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UMU

Enter Nero, one of the emperors of Rome.

As soon as she's done striking a pose in front of us, she turns to me very expectantly.

Looking at me with expectant eyes, I open my arms to the very affectionate Saber.

She practically tackles me with that short yet well endowed body of hers.

She snuggles me quite nicely and I give her golden head a soft pat.

"Praetor! I have been looking everywhere for you!"

I chuckle at how needy and child-like this emperor can be at times.

"It's good to see you up and about, Nero."

She stops snuggling her face on my shirt as she looks up at my face with her beaming green eyes.

"Umu! I suppose this day is lovelier for you now that I've graced your presence, hm?"

My companion clears her throat to catch both of our attention.

"Master, who the hell is pint-sized blonde? You two seem very close, non?"

"Ah! Jeanne, this is Nero Claudius. She's one of the first servants I summoned here in Chaldea."

Nero looks over Alter and suddenly her eyes have that usual chipper glint in them.

"Ho ho! This is Jeanne? The Maid of Orleans?" As she says this, she moves away from me and starts circling around Alter to get a better look of her features.

"Umu, did you get a haircut? Ah! Your face seems so different too with that scowl of yours Hmmm, is black all over the whole new phase for saintly clothes now?"

I really have to stop her barrage of comments before a certain white haired Avenger decides to burn her on the ground she stands upon.

"Nero, this is Jeanne Alter. She's just been summoned here and I'm currently giving her a tour of Chaldea." I explained to her briefly.

This stops Nero's line of comments for a bit and she stops in front of the Avenger to study her face better.

"You know, you have that scowl on your face, but you're so beautifully fair ~! Uwa! A short haired Jeanne looks great too, though your clothes could certainly use a lot more color, umu."

Once that blonde's mouth opens, it's going to take a whole lot to get her to stop.

Alter has just been looking at Nero with an increasingly annoyed scowl.

Nero, you may be the most adorable Rose of Roma, but please read Jeanne's face right now.

Luckily, she stopped her perusal of Jeanne and she nodded her head as her sign of approval.

Approval of this girl being aesthetic in her standards is what I mean.

Little Roma turns her giddy attention back to me.

"Ah! Praetor, I've been working on my singing again! This is a time of celebration, umu! A new beautiful face has graced my even more lovely and beautiful presence after all."

"Ah, is that so?" I laugh a bit nervously.

Alter seems to have caught on the nervous undertone of my laugh and she's currently looking at me suspiciously.

The appearance and brightness of an angel is what Nero has.

An angel's voice? Uh, not so much.

"My name is Nero ~ Clau~dius ~!"

Uh oh, she started a song.

She danced about so gracefully, but dear heavens my ears are starting to want to kill themselves.

"Ro~ma! Roooo~maaaa!"

She continued dancing about and out of nowhere, she somehow conjured a rose in her hand.

I look over at Alter to see how she's faring…

Shit.

She's practically glaring at the blonde at this point and she seems just about ready to chop off Nero's prized ahoge.

Which is oddly very mobile for hair, as it kept waving about during her performance.

This was only the first verse of her little concerto, I don't know if I can take it anymo-

My train of thought was interrupted by Alter walking over to Nero and firmly grasping her shoulders to stop her mid-performance.

"Midget, cease your song now. Your "grand display" is utter torture for my ears, it's as if someone had been repeatedly stabbing my ears with a filth caked stake !" Alter said in a rather cruel and mischievous tone.

Nero, of course, stopped a bit to register the taller female's words.

I scanned Nero's seemingly blank face for any signs of emotion.

In a weak voice, Nero quietly asked "Jeanne, do you really think my performance was that bad…?"

This didn't sound good at all.

Most people can handle a hyper, happy Roma Saber, but not a whole lot of people can handle how emotional a sad Nero could be.

Alter just gave Nero a stern look, as if saying she wasn't taking back anything she just said.

"I stand by my words, you brat. You're a long way from pleasing me with such poor vocals."

"Umu, I see."

She said quietly as she backed away a few steps.

Surprisingly, I didn't quite expect what Nero's reaction was going to be, as she suddenly crossed her arms and nodded her head in approval.

"UMU! I see!" She beamed pridefully in her once again bright and confident self, "This version of Jeanne must have higher standards of taste! No wonder I failed to impress her, she of course expected more from the most beautiful emperor of Roma! I see clearly now, umu!"

I could tell that Alter didn't expect such an optimistic reaction from the short blonde.

"Very well then, I will go practice my concerto for you to its finest, my lovely new comrade!"

Nero then turned to look at me with that determined gaze and smile of hers.

"Praetor, I expect you to be there to watch my performances and tell me if I'm getting closer to reaching this Jeanne's high standards, umu!"

Scratching my head, I ended up smiling at her usual antics.

"Yep! You can expect me to be there, Nero."

Pleased with her fruitful interaction with me and the newbie Avenger, she decided to take her leave as she strutted about in the direction of her room while waving at us every now and then.

As soon as she left, Alter decided to break the silence.

"Is she always like that?"

I turned to Alter and saw a rather perturbed expression on her face.

"Heh, you'll get used to it, Jeanne." I chuckle at the expense of Alter's annoyance.

"Simply put, I just shot down that girl's piss poor singing. I expected a look of despair upon her face, having her prized talent for performing be degraded so harshly and all."

I smirk at her attempt to deflate Nero's shimmering ego.

"She's got guts, y'know? She isn't the type to give up so easily anyways."

She sighed in resignation, "Ugh, so there are even more of these hero types than I expected. How annoying, Mast-"

She would have continued her whole tirade, but couldn't stop herself from stifling a yawn.

I glanced at the window outside and saw the warm setting sun upon the tundras.

Well, I suppose I could already show her to her room. It's getting quite late anyways.

"So, sleepyhead, why don't we head over to your room now?"

She whipped her head towards me as she heard how I addressed her.

"Sleepyhead? We aren't that close, Master. Don't you go familiarizing yourself with me so soon." She narrowed her golden eyes towards mine.

"Still, I'll take you to your new room, Jeane." I look at her with an earnest smile.

She just shrugs and huffs out of impatience.

"So be it then, pick up the pace. I do wish to clean myself up nice and clean after looking at all these filthy do-gooders."

We eventually walk over to her room.

The rooms for most of Chaldea's people were quite uniform and minimalist ones. The necessary furniture and supplies had been placed and readied in each room.

The only thing that differentiated this room from the rest was a neatly printed name plate on the front of the door.

It was a neatly printed nameplate with "Jeanne D'Arc (Alter)" on it, and at the sides of it were purple dragons and fleur-de-lis.

She squinted a bit at the letters in the middle of the nameplate, but she seemed quite pleased about the little designs on the sides.

Ah right, I forgot.

I don't think I'll tell her yet that the original Jeanne had been practicing calligraphy and drawing for this. She had this printed after she made a design she thought was suitable for her Alter self.

Yeah, definitely don't want Alter to ruin her counterpart's earnest gift to her.

I look at the time on my watch.

Yikes, it's this late already?! Well, I've toured her around the important places of Chaldea, so we can just end here.

"Well, it's getting quite late now, Jeanne. I'll be taking my leave, okay?"

Alter looks at me with mild annoyance.

"Last I checked, I'm serving a Master here, not a mother. Hm, just go on your merry little way now, I don't need your help here."

She really does have her own way of saying things.

Other Alter, this is one tall order you're asking for in a promise.

"Night then, Jeanne! We'll be heading out tomorrow, okay?" I said as I waved off to her and started walking towards my room.

Alter sighed at her doting Master. "You really are annoying, you know?"

Still, a trace of a smile was seen on her face as she soon headed inside her room to rest for the night.

**Side Story: A Night with The Maid of Orleans**

Historically, Jeanne D'Arc is considered as a figure of great renown in France, but she was an illiterate country girl.

The more serene Jeanne had taken it to be her responsibility to at least try educating herself in reading and writing, as she looked for a pastime to do while she was on standby at Chaldea.

A dedicated spirit and an even quicker study, she was soon able to read and write quite legibly. Although, if any of the other servants and I happened to see her in the library, she would ask for help regarding vocabulary and spelling.

I had walked over to the library at this point in the evening as Jeanne had requested for it. This just so happened to be a nightly routine I had with the gentle blonde for a while now.

It started with Jeanne asking me to help her in pronouncing a few words that she saw whilst reading, but at some point she became more and more confused. So, I offered to at least read to her some of the stories for her.

Eventually, that led to us two reading stories together as our occasional pastime. She may be a Heroic spirit, but she was still a country girl that was young and innocent at heart.

After even more practice, she soon thought about practicing calligraphy and drawing as she seemed quite interested in the art forms. As a way to practice her new found arts, she decided to make customized name plates for her fellow servants' rooms. After all, a good amount of servants had accidently stumbled into another servant's room as the doors just looked the same.

That and Blackbeard used that as an excuse to snoop around the rooms of Mash and a bunch of other servants that were in the lecherous pirate's "strike zone".

I walked over to Jeanne and took a seat next to her. I noticed that she seemed quite focused on her current calligraphy project.

"Ah? Jeanne, what're you writing now?" I asked her out of curiosity.

I looked over her shoulder as I saw that she was creating a name plate for her Alter self.

"For your Alter self, Jeanne?"

She glanced at me with a serene smile upon her face.

"Well, Master, I'm sure she's bound to come here at some point, oui?" She said to me as she looked back at her paper and practiced her calligraphy strokes upon the paper.

"I would at least like to make her feel at home here, even if she treats me quite roughly. She's just a rather troubled version of me. I had initially rejected such a side of me existing, but at the end of our fight in Orleans, I was wrong to do so. True, maybe in the deepest depths of my heart did I resent those that betrayed and abandoned me. Still, I was able to serve many more for the common good, non?"

I looked at how her smile had gotten more wistful at remembering those events.

I decided to comfort her by holding her hand and gently squeezing it.

She seemed more relaxed after that.

"So, I also heard about that promise of yours to that other me, you know?"

"Ah, so you did hear about it. Well, I suppose you wanted to find out for yourself since Alter was involved at that time."

She nodded her head, then looked over at me with a small yet teasing smile on her lips.

"Hm, are you so enamored with that other me, Master?" She said in an innocently teasing manner and continued, "Still, if that was true, wouldn't that mean you'd be quite enamored with me as well, Master ~?"

I avert my eyes from Jeanne's own sapphire gaze.

"I was just being honest with her, J-jeanne…"

At the expense of my embarrassment, she laughs at me goodnaturedly.

"Still, it means a lot to me, Master. That you would swear to another me that you would take care of them, it really does mean a lot to me that you'd still extend your hand to even that side of me."

I look back at her own serene and grateful visage.

It really doesn't help that both of these Jeannes are too beautiful for their own good.

"Anyways, shall we start our little story time, Master? I've been making good progress so far with these stories from Greece, but somehow I have gotten too used to you narrating these stories for me."

Little did the Master know, but Jeanne was fully capable of reading those stories on her own. She just preferred her Master reading to her and used it as a subtle excuse to spend time with him in their free time. She looked forward to their meetings in the night, as she found her Master's narration endearing and his voice calming.

I held my chin in thought, as I tried to remember which story we were on.

"Ah! We were talking about the story of Perseus, I believe."

Jeanne packed up her calligraphy materials back into her bag as we moved to the leisure reading area. This section of the library had couches and much more comfier seating.

We settled on a couch and then Jeanne eagerly waited for me to come back with the book of Greek heroes and heroines.

After some searching, I wasn't able to find the book in its usual place.

Hm, I wonder where that went? I was sure it was around this shelf.

My thoughts were answered as someone from behind tapped me on the shoulder.

"Looking for this little thing here, Master?"

I turned around to see a tan red headed boy in battle gear with a regal looking cape on him to boot.

This boy was Alexander the Great. Yes, that famous conqueror all the way from Macedonia. More accurately, the one in my presence was his younger self. His massive adult self, Iskandar, had probably been off playing video games with a certain long haired Caster.

"Ah! Alexander! Nice to see you around here."

The redhead greeted me back with a nod and handed me the book. Afterwards, he glanced at my awaiting companion for the evening and looked back at me with a cheeky grin.

"I suppose there are much nicer faces you wish to see in this library, Master?"

Realizing who he was hinting to, I blushed out of embarrassment.

Jeez, I really shouldn't let these servants of mine fluster me so much.

"Yeah, it's story night and Jeanne wanted to continue the Greek mythology stories, y'know."

Raising his eyebrow out of amusement, Alexander said "Well, I suppose it would be bad manners if you kept the eager maiden waiting, wouldn't it?"

I scratch the back of my head and sheepishly chuckle.

As I took a few steps going back to Jeanne, Alexander said his parting words.

"Just remember, Master, the true conqueror doesn't just travel on one road to his destination, but instead travels as many roads as he wishes to his destination. A conqueror does take as much as his hunger for wealth and joy, don't you think?"

Puzzled, I turned around to respond to his odd choice of words, but the redhead had already gone the other direction while waving me off.

Soon enough, I got back to my blonde companion with the book she awaited me to read along with her. While I went to get the book, Jeanne had laid out a small arrangement of snacks and refreshments on a nearby coffee table.

"So, shall we start, Jeanne?" I said as I turned to face her with a smile.

She returned my smile and nodded eagerly.

"Just go when you're ready, Master."

I spent the night doing my utmost best to narrate to her the tale of the son of Posiedon.

She had looked at me with giddy amazement and excitement in her eyes as she desperately kept on egging me on to continue the tale of a hero from long ago.

It was a rather peaceful night with the blonde saintess.

Soon enough, the blonde's luster in her eyes had gotten dimmer as the night grew older and colder. She eventually closed her eyes and started dozing off as she laid her head on my shoulder.

Sensing how tired she was, I decided to end it here and I closed the book.

I just realized how tired I was as well, plus the couch we were on was too comfortable anyways.

I didn't want to wake the golden haired maiden on my shoulder either, so I decided to doze off as well.

Jeanne, she smelled really nice. I only realized how much her faint scent was akin to freshly bloomed flowers in spring.

She felt warm too. As if to say, that her warm smile and demeanor was truly at the core of this steadfast saintess.

Yeah, it's not a bad way to sleep right now.

The two readers slept peacefully in the cozy library of Chaldea, albeit a slight chill from the night seeped into the room.

As the two slept, Alexander passed by to check on the two. He chuckled to himself how bad the Master was at hiding his emotions at times, but that was his honest heroic charm anyways.

Trailing close behind him, was his older and muscular self and a well dressed man with long hair.

The long haired man was a Caster demi-servant named Zhuge Liang, though he preferred his title of Lord El-Melloi II.

Don't you ever drop the II from his title though, the man would cast a barrage of spells at you to get his title right. That was unless you were a redhead Rider all the way from Macedonia.

"Hm! It appears the Master here has already started his road to conquest, hee hee!" Iskandar quietly cheered his Master's success at such an intimate moment.

"There's no need to call his advances towards the holy maiden such a crude metaphor, Rider." Zhuge Liang shot back at Iskandar's rather rowdy way of saying such a thing.

The massive Rider had shrugged at his comrade's killjoy mood.

"Still, the two look quite good together, don't you think?" The burly Rider asked his two other companions.

Alexander gave his older self an energetic thumbs up and grin in response, while Zhuge sighed then smiled in silent agreement as his response.

"Pity, the young Master hadn't thought that far ahead. He didn't even bring the saint a warm blanket for this chilly evening." Iskandar said as he unclasped the massive cape upon his shoulders which he then draped over the sleeping duo.

"There we go! The two should be cozy enough, hm?"

Iskandar chuckled victoriously over his attempt to push his Master closer to the beautiful saintess.

Alexander decided to call it night for them.

"We should get going now, after all we wouldn't want to ruin this moment for either of them."

His taller companions nodded and they soon took their leave as they let the budding romantics have their moment.

Somehow, for a certain sleeping pair in the library, their soft spoken warmth kept Chaldea's colder nights at bay.

Although, a certain saintess had woken up briefly after a massive cloak was draped over her and her Master. She had looked at how close she was to her reading companion and softly smiled with cheeks tinted cherry. She snuggled close enough to him to hear his heartbeat, which lulled Jeanne back into sleep.

_'Master...'_

Ah, how the holy maiden wished for more moments like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's better than one (un)holy maiden?
> 
> Yes, another one.
> 
> But the vanilla one.


	4. Embers and Cinders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's J'Alter's first official day as a part of Chaldea's colorful cast ~!
> 
> Wish her luck on her first day, UMU!
> 
> This message was brought to you by the Onee-san of Orleans and the UMU Emperor.

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

My eyes groggily opened to the sound of an energetic blonde attempting to sound like an alarm.

Once my eyes fully opened, I was greeted to a beaming Roma Saber in front of me.

"Good morning, Praetor! We have a lovely day ahead of us, led by yours truly, umu!"

I smiled tiredly and patted her head.

"Good morning to you too, Nero."

She smiled cheekily at my affectionate greeting. Afterwards, she helped me get up from my bed.

"Come on already, get dressed! I just might hog all of Emiya's breakfast service all to myself and leave you with nothing but scraps, umu!"

"Fine, fine! Go wait for me outside, Nero, I won't take too long."

In a quick and even pace, I was able to bathe and dress myself in my usual Chaldea uniform of white and black. I did the rest of my hygiene activities soon enough after.

My light blue eyes glanced at the mirror as I fixed my black spiky mop of hair.

I wonder if Alter was able to have a decent rest?

I made my way to the door leading outside my room.

Ah well, I think I'll go check on her with Nero before we head out for breakfast.

My mouth drooled at the thought of what Emiya was serving today.

I opened my door expecting that Nero was just waiting for me outside on her own.

Maybe even Mash would've been here, but no, there was someone else here.

The scene registered in my head just now.

Nero was grabbing a certain white haired Avenger's cape by the hem of it.

"Jeannneeeeeeee! Don't go without Master yet! You said we'd all go together for breakfast anyways!" The little Saber had been pulling Alter's cloak to make sure she wouldn't just walk off on her own.

The taller Avenger looked at Nero with a scowl.

"What are you saying?! You literally just kept banging at my door and yelling at me to come out! You even dragged me all the way here!"

Sensing my presence, Nero and Jeanne noticed me and stopped their antics for now.

"Ah, Master, you good to go already? Jeanne here was getting too impatient, you know?"

Jeanne spared an annoyed glance at the optimistic Saber then she faced me with a less hostile look.

"Hm, morning to you, Master." Jeanne said in a nonchalant tone.

"Morning to you too, Jeanne!"

Content that everyone was present, Nero took the lead of our little trio with Jeanne and I trailing close behind.

Nero would sing a few off key notes and Jeanne would shoot back a few insults at Nero's singing while we walked down to the cafeteria.

Soon enough, we got there and saw a handful of the other servants enjoying mama Archer's breakfast spread. For this morning, he prepared a Japanese style breakfast: Salted trout and mackerel, pickled vegetables, soup, and rice. He also prepared some fresh fruits on the side.

As if breaking me away from my feast for the eyes, a servant called out to me.

"Masta ~ ! Over here!"

As I looked over, I saw Hokusai earnestly waving at us. The painter was sitting with Tamamo, and Jeanne, who gave us their smiles and greetings, at a table near the kitchen.

We greeted the easygoing girls of Chaldea and sat with them, although Jeanne Alter had chosen to sit across Hokusai as she was the farthest from her vanilla counterpart. Nero on the other hand, had chosen to sit across Jeanne, which left me with Tamamo.

In time, I suppose. It's already enough for her to sit at the same table as Jeanne.

"Thanks for saving us some seats, you gals really didn't have to do such."

Vanilla Jeanne had given me her usually serene smile. "Well, it's a pleasure to be able to share a meal with many as a start of a fine day, oui? Besides, I have to check if you're eating right, Master."

I do suppose I remember the times that Jeanne would gently chastise me for just piling meat and potatoes upon my plate and have me eat vegetables.

"Umu! I suppose I have to thank you three, even you Casko!"

Tamamo spared a glance at Nero. "You're just lucky you walked in here with Master, you airheaded Saber ~"

Nero gave her foxy rival a cheeky grin. "Heh, your tongue is as sharp as ever! However, now is a time to enjoy what lovely spread Emiya has laid for us."

The kitsune just stuck her tongue out at the still cheeky Saber. Afterwards, she pushed a set meal containing today's menu when she saw that I was about to leave the table.

"Ah! Master, you can have this meal here! I made sure to grab you a plate ~"

Right, add another person that doted over me besides the saintess.

"Thanks, Tamamo! It really looks good today, doesn't it?"

Still, I looked at Alter who seemed quite curious about the meal.

"Alter? Would you like to try it? I assure you, Emiya makes the best food out here." I said in a friendly manner.

Alter's pale cheeks tinged a bit, but she quickly turned her head in refusal.

"I can get my own food, Master. You don't have to babysit me, you know?"

She promptly stood up from her seat and set off to get her own food.

"Ah,Goth Jeanne! Wait for me! Let's go get some food together." Said Nero as she stood up and followed Alter in getting some food.

"Goth Jeanne?! Did you just call m-". Alter's words were quickly cut off as Nero dragged her again for the second time this morning.

Tamamo and Hokusai laughed at such a sight; The little emperor dragging the taller Avenger was an amusing sight for sure.

"Oh? The hair trigger Avenger is letting herself be dragged by the pint-sized Saber?"

Tamamo looked at me with an amused expression on her face. "I suppose she met her yesterday on your nth little tour of Chaldea, fufu ~"

I pretty much retell the trio about the whole Nero performance yesterday.

Hokusai spoke first. "Ho ~? Somebody's quite bold and honest about Roma's singing, heh, how interesting ~"

Jeanne had merely looked with a sheepish smile. "I suppose it would be nice if Nero had received more honest criticism. Still, Alter could've been a bit more gentler about it though."

"Well, Master, you have to tell her more honest criticism! You can't just keep nodding along, then again you're the only one here that has the patience to listen to that dreadful performance of hers." Tamamo chided me then gently poked my face for a bit.

"Fine, fine. I'll be more honest with her." I said as I lightly pouted.

Soon enough, the duo had arrived back to the table with their own meals in their hands.

As soon as the two settled in, we ate our breakfast together.

Although, the Avenger on my right had been having trouble with the chopsticks Nero gave her.

"...Tch! Am I supposed to just stab the fish and vegetables here?" She narrowed her eyes as she kept trying to eat her breakfast.

"Alter, you seem to be having trouble with the chopsticks, don't you?"

Jeanne looked in front of her and saw the artist looking at her with an amused look.

The similarly amused tiny octopus atop Oui's head didn't do her any favors.

"What's it to you? Do you wish to pity me for such? I can eat just fine." She said as she dropped the rice from her chopsticks once again.

"You're so on edge, Jeanne. You won't be able to get a single speck of rice into that dainty little mouth of yours." She said as her octodad had floated away from her head and went near the struggling Avenger's hand. "Pops, guide the poor maiden here. I feel bad watching her do this ~"

The octopus quickly wrapped his small tentacles over Jeanne's hand, while said Avenger gave it a suspicious glare. The octopus familiar guided her hand's movements as she got accustomed to picking up food with her chopsticks. Soon enough, she was able to pick up the food with her chopsticks without the octopus' guidance.

"Hoh! You're a quick study too, girlie! Now, you can feed your grumpy little self away." Hokusai cheekily said.

"Thank you." Jeanne promptly thanked the artist and went back to finishing her meal.

"It's Hokusai, by the way ~ Katsushika Hokusai, Foreigner class servant."

“Thanks octopus girl. Now, will you let me get back to my meal before I consider cooking your "Pops" over a fire, hm?”

The tiny octopus hurriedly went back upon his place on Oui's head and grabbed a tiny paint brush, as if ready to defend himself from the cruel maiden's punishment.

"Ha! She has a sense of humor too ~" The painter merely mused.

The rest of the table was peaceful at least, albeit Nero and Tamamo's bickering and Jeanne mediating between the two.

Ah well, it was a nice lively way to spend the morning.

After we had breakfast, I promptly went back to my room to wash up and prepare for another day of Ember farming.

I also packed up some gear that would be needed for the task at hand.

Afterwards, I went to the Chaldea Gate to await my Servants.

Well, the other way around, they were already there waiting for me when I got there.

The Fallen Saintess, Jeanne Alter.

She was clad in her dark attire as usual, with the rather fluffy cloak. She waited silently on a chair while polishing her blade. Well, this is going to be the first time she's working with us on a quest, so fingers crossed.

The Wielder of Clarent, Mordred Pendragon.

The spiky haired blonde seemed to pass the time by playing with a cat she found. Nobody really knew where the cat came from exactly, but it seemed pretty harmless (to anyone that Mordred didn't target for the cat to scratch).

The Eldritch Painter, Katsushika Hokusai.

The eccentric painter appeared to be just lying around and reading shonen manga. Hm, that certainly explains those shipments from Amazoness. Jesus, did she bring snacks too? Someone seems to be feeling quite comfy right now.

Lastly, The Sole Shielder of Chaldea, Mash Kyrielight.

My eggplant junior decided to hang around with Mordred as she also wished to pet the cat. I can't exactly argue about her curiosity with the cat, but Fou might get jealous.

I cleared my throat to catch the attention of my Servants, afterwards they looked at me decked in my gear.

"Heyo, Master! Are we ready to stomp some ass right now? I've been itching to crush a couple bastards under my boot for a while now." Mordred eagerly said such while she let her cat go free to wander Chaldea.

"You certainly bet, Momo! We're gonna stomp some ass today, for sure."

"Ho? Is our little protagonist here showing his more bloodthirsty side? Master, you sure seemed to be playing the do-gooder role too well." Jeanne Alter teased me.

I sheepishly told Jeanne."Just energetic and sort of violent for better reasons, I suppose, Jeanne."

"Jeanne? You're that holier than thou woman?" Mordred asked as she looked over the Avenger. "Woah, you sure look like you can hit harder than that gentle saint at least."

Jeanne smirked at the praise and flipped her hair at such. "I'm glad someone else here has more sense in their head, fufufu ~."

She turned to face Mordred with a devious smile."How do you beat down those that dare point their blade at you, Knight?"

Mordred seemed to understand what sort of answer she was looking for and she flashed a fanged smile upon her face. "I rip and tear till those bastards can't walk or talk for shit, obviously!"

The Avenger was thoroughly impressed with Mordred's answer and extended her hand towards her.

"I think we will get along just fine, Pendragon."

Mordred kept her grin and reciprocated by shaking the Avenger's hand.

"Just make sure I don't kill any more than you, maiden."

Ah well, it's certainly good to see she's been getting along with more people. The violent and vengeful sort seem to be her kindred spirits. Hm, I wonder what she'd think if she met Edmond?

"Masta? Are we going to go already? We seem just about ready to cave in some monsters and men right now."

Hokusai said this as she repeatedly gave my shoulder gentle pokes with her smaller paint brush.

Mash stood up and walked over to me. She was already decked out in her purple Shielder armor.

"Yes, Senpai. We're ready when you are!"

"Well, who am I to refuse such eager souls then." I looked towards Mash. "Mash, load up the gate! We're gonna go Ember farming!"

Soon enough, my Servants and I arrived at a forest. Oddly enough, this forest seemed to be in an eternal state of sunset; Golden light bathed the lush and silent green forest.

Eager for the hunt, Jeanne asked. "Well, Master, what lowlives are we supposed to be hunting down today?"

"Ah, they're these hand mons- Oh! There are some of them gathering here already!"

Alter and the rest looked over to where I faced.

There was a plentiful field of these Divine Arm bastards about.

"Enemies located, Ember farming quest…" Mash said this as she brought her gargantuan shield to reality.

_THUD!_

The shield hit the ground with a solid impact as Mash brought down the shield by her side.

The Divine Arms soon enough faced us and started charging up balls of fire in their palm.

"...Mission start!"

Soon enough, those balls of fire fired towards us like no tomorrow.

Jeanne and Mordred rushed out towards the enemies first with their blades in hand.

The pale maiden had been laughing cruelly as she pierced and burned several of the Arms. "Come on, is this all you have to offer me you pieces of shit? Fufufu ~"

After such, Jeanne Alter had conjured spears of midnight out of thin air and dropped them on the Arms, which soon erupted into several gouts of baleful hellfire.

The rogue knight had thrown a charged Clarent into one of the Arms, which created an explosive red burst of mana that blasted some of the other nearby Arms. Afterwards, she went on a mad rush punching and kicking whatever got in her way.

"Come at me, gutter trash! I stand ready to gut those Embers out of you all." Mordred said this as she pulled out one of the Hands from the ground and broke it on her knee.

"Hm, Pops, let's get to work ~" Said Hokusai as she materialized her massive paintbrush and conjured a large wave of water with just a single stroke from her weapon. The Arms caught in the wave were no match for the painter's masterful stroke as they soon faded away with the tide.

As another wave of Arms appeared near Oui, she painted a dragon that crashed into them within its deadly maw of painted fangs. The dragon had nigh consumed the bizarre creatures in its wake and then faded afterwards.

Mash had jumped up into the air and slammed a fair amount of the Arms with her shield upon landing.

The Shielder had let out a cry as she tackled the next wave of Ember-filled beasts.

"UWOH!" Mash yelled this out as she used the edge of her shield to slash at a whole row of her enemies.

Well, they're certainly energetic today.

I guess I shouldn't be a slouch of a Master and let them do all the work, eh?

I soon rushed into the fray of the battle -

Jeanne saw me rushing headfirst as she was stabbing one of the Arms with her lance. "Oi! You stupid Master, you're gonna get yourse-"

_BANG!_

A gunshot interrupted the Avenger's thoughts as she looked to see that a nearby Hand was shot down.

Jeanne quickly glanced back and widened her eyes in surprise.

"Ah well, this is your first time seeing this, right?"

I said this after I shot down the Hand with my materialized pistol.

I materialized my other silver pistol out of thin air and started gunning down the other Hands as support fire for my Servants.

These pistols were specially created for me by Da Vinci! I dubbed them the "Shirogane Pistols", given their rather pristine metallic shine of arcane steel. The pistols were based after M1911 ones and there were intricate engravings on each pistol. The handles were created from polished dragon fangs and bore the symbol of Chaldea.

Rather than running on conventional bullets, the pistols ran on mana. Functionally, they were handheld Gandrs. However, the pistols are able to quickly and efficiently condense solid bursts of mana and they allow a magus to rapidly fire off deadly Gandr blasts with minimal concentration and mana usage. The pistols' magazines were cartridges filled with powerful mana-rich gems.

As for what they can do? It's better to just show off these puppies anyways.

I charged mana in my pistols and shot a volley of lightning-infused Gandrs towards a wave of the Hands. Soon enough, those Hands were caught in the blast zone of a miniature storm.

"Shirogane Art: Lightning Burst!" I yelled out and channeled my mana as the miniature storm exploded once more in a bigger explosion.

"Oh! Master, you really make me jealous with those guns of yours!" Mordred whined out as she picked up Clarent from the Arm it was lodged in initially. "You gotta let me try them out some day." As if a bright idea appeared in her head she said "Ah, I know! I'll let you borrow Clarent here."

I quickly flashed Mordred a smirk of my own. "As if! I can't even use Clarent for fuck's sake, Mordred!"

As Mash bashed away an Arm, she chided me as she pouted. "M-master! Watch your language!"

Ah whoops, can't swear too much in front of my eggplant kouhai. Emiya and Raikou wouldn't let me hear the end of it if Mash told them.

Eventually, we were able to clear the forest of those Hands and we promptly collected the golden Embers. As per usual, these fiery chunks brimmed with a ton of mana.

I wiped my sweating forehead with my arm. "Whew! Good job today everyone! We certainly gathered a bountiful harvest."

Everyone nodded in agreement as we sat down on the grassy field and rested.

Jeanne sat next to Mordred and lightly punched her on the arm.

"Fufu ~ You aren't bad at all, Pendragon. You fight like the rough and rogue knight you are, for sure."

Mordred flashed a fanged grin at her fellow warrior. "Heh, you certainly scorched those bastards to the ground, country girl."

Afterwards, Jeanne looked at me. "You've certainly got more bite now, Master. I never really expected you to be able to fight off these monsters on your own."

I scratched the back of my head sheepishly. I certainly didn't expect some roundabout praise from Jeanne.

Soon enough, we stood up and left for Chaldea with our Embers in tow.

As Mash set up our way back to the base, Jeanne waited for the others to walk ahead and pulled me to the side.

"Oh? J-jeanne? What is it?"

She looked at me with disinterest etched in her face.

"Master, it appears I seem to have misjudged the limitations to your uselessness. To think you can run in the battlefield with such gusto. Fufufu~, maybe you do have the makings of a cold blooded savage?"

She appears to be seeing me in a better light.

"Well, I can't be the wimp Master that just hangs back and lets his Servants do all the fighting forever, heh." I laughed a bit sheepishly at the end.

"Hmph. Don't get me wrong, you still have a long way to go, weirdo. Just don't get yourself so frenzied in battle that you trip and die on the first man's eager blade." She roughly poked at my chest. "It would make it dreadfully painful for me to be here in Chaldea if I was just left alone with that pathetic saint, after all."

Within that harsh tone of hers, I sensed a genuine trace of concern and worry. Huh, even when she's such a harsh witch, she's still Jeanne d'Arc at the core.

"Heh, I won't disappoint you, Jea-"

She gestured for me to stop with her hand.

"Just call me J'Alter, nitwit. I regret being associated with that smiling saintess, and I don't want you to confuse me with her. Just call me by that name from now on."

As she said this, she crossed her arms then glanced away from my line of sight.

I smiled back at her.

"I won't disappoint then, J'Alter."

**Blooper: Not in Front of the Child!**

In due time, we came back to Chaldea.

The Ember farming quest went without a hitch and hell, Jeanne even got along with Mordred. So, it's been a good and progressive day, in short.

Man, I'm really tired though.

"Fuck, I'm tired." I said out of the blue as we walked out of the summoning area.

I suddenly felt a strong nudge from Mordred.

I turned to look at her worried face and she mouthed out to me. 'Master, 12 o'clock. You're probably in deep shit'.

I glanced at my other Servants and everyone save for Jeanne gave me similarly worried looks.

I looked in front of me and saw a small white haired girl full of cheer.

"Mommy! Welcome back! We missed you so much ~"

Uh oh, Jack is here. Shit, did she hear me?

I sheepishly lowered myself so that I could carry the pocket-sized serial killer in my arms.

As I carried her, I decided to play it safe for now.

"Jack! Mommy missed you a lot! What did you do today?"

"Mmm! Jack played with Abigail, Alice, Big Sis Tamamo, and Jeanne today!"

Whew, I think I'm in the clea-

A curious look on her face, the little Assassin innocently asked me the million QP question.

"Mommy? What does 'fuck' mean?"

What have I done…?

Damn it! Emiya and Raikou are gonna kill me for this.

Scratch that, I'd rather get scolded by Emiya! The last time I swore in front of Jack, Alice, or Abigail, Raikou smacked me so hard with a paper fan that I ended up flying into the next room.

"Ah ah, Jack, don't say that! It's a word for grown-ups!"

As I panicked about it, I looked towards my other Servants for help.

Hokusai seems to have run off towards her room and left a hastily scribbled note on the floor which read: 'Masta, while I don't pray to anyone, I suggest that you start doing so right now. With love, Oui ~'

Mordred seems to have summoned her cat out of nowhere and hastily dragged Mash with her as they went off to play with her feline pet and Fou.

As Mordred and Mash quickly walked off towards the common room, they both gave me shaky smiles and thumbs ups. As if wishing my luck for the misfortune that would befall me later on.

J'Alter appears to have realized the context of the situation and smiled cruelly at my misfortune.

"Tsk, tsk, the good and heroic Master corrupting the minds of the youth. I can see why the other Servants abandoned ship just now, fufufu ~."

I looked over at J'Alter with an exasperated look.

"J-J'Alter! Help me out here! Tell Jack that she can't say that word!"

The raven clad girl walked over closer to us.

Jack looked at her as she neared us.

"Oh! Mommy, is this Big Sis Jeanne's sister? She looks pretty like her too!" Jack practically chirped out her innocent remarks towards the Avenger.

"Child, don't compare me to that 'Big Sis' of yours. I am vastly different from that naive bumpkin you hang around with." She said in a seething tone.

"Bumpkin? Hey, don't call Big Sis any names!" Jack pouted as she said this.

"Say, Jack is it? There was a certain word your dear 'Mommy' was telling you not to say." Jeanne said this as she pretended to be in thought. "What word was it again? I actually forgot about the word, fufu~"

Oh, I am so getting back at you for this, you edgy saint.

"Ah! The word was…" Jack seemed to ponder over it and soon enough she remembered. "Mommy said 'fuck'! Big sis, what does 'fuck' mean?"

"Not helping, J'Alter!" I said even more stressed out and exasperated.

J'Alter just laughed even more at my current misfortune.

As if my luck was just as bad as Cu's, a very familiar voice brought me to my senses.

"Oh? Master, you're back already! You should've told me as soon as you got here. I would've prepared you a fresh batch of nikujaga."

I saw the rather chipper face of Emiya as he walked towards us.

It seems that he just came from the kitchen, considering that he seems to have put away his usual red coat and appears to be wearing a lion themed apron.

Ah right, that was Artoria's gift for hi-

Wait a minute! I don't have time to be thinking about that right now!

Shit, just play it cool, me.

"A-ah, Emiya, sorry about that. We just got back and we're really tired too."

He nodded at me as a response.

"Ah, Jeanne. How was your first time farming for Embers? Oui is easy enough to get along with and… well, Mordred's rough but she's quite nice and peppy."

J'Alter seemed to be taken aback a bit at Emiya's doting.

"Heh, there's no need to worry about me, Archer. I am perfectly fine enough without your doting, you know?"

The Archer Servant just lightly laughed.

"Hey! Big Bro !" Jack called to Emiya in her chipper tone.

"Ah, Jack? I didn't notice you there for a bit. I suppose your Presence Concealment is as good as ever, hm?"

The little Assassin nodded eagerly, then she got out of my arms to walk to Emiya.

Uh oh.

"Big Bro, I heard a new word from Mommy!" The little Assassin chirped out.

Emiya seems to have caught on immediately and looked at me suspiciously.

"Ah is that so? What word did your Mommy tell you?"

"Mommy said "Fuck!" when he got back here just now." Jack looked up at Emiya with her innocent puppy eyes. "Mommy told me I can't say 'cause it's a grown up word. Is that right, Big Bro?"

Emiya got on his knee and faced the Assassin.

"Ah, well, Jack, it's a really bad word and you can't use that, okay? Otherwise…"

The Archer looked at me with a stern motherly look, which quickly shifted back into a gentler look for the child-like Assassin.

"Hmph, Jack? I think I saw Abigail and Alice with Big Sis Tamamo playing with some fox familiars in the common room. Why don't you go run along and play with those little furballs?"

Jack seems to have taken the bait.

"Uwa! I'll go there right away then, Mommy!"

Emiya gave her a smile and handed her a small lunchbox with freshly made snacks and drinks.

"Take this with you, Jack. I made you some cookies and cut you up some fruits to share with Abigail, Alice, and Big Sis Tamamo."

Jack took the lunch box with much glee.

"Thank you so much, Big Bro !" She walked over and gave me a hug. "I'll see you later, Mommy! We'll play lots, okay?"

Gee, I sure wish I could do so right now, Jack.

Soon enough, she happily ran off towards the common room with her snacks in tow.

"Master."

I looked at Emiya, who seems to have used his magecraft to create a massive paper fan.

Good Lord, I'm not getting out of this unscathed.

I looked over at J'Alter who was just watching the whole spectacle wholly amused while munching away on an apple slice that Jack handed her before she left.

Yeah, I am definitely screwed now.

"Emiya ~ It was an accident! It just slipped out of my mouth, I swear!"

The white haired Archer sighed as he walked closer towards me with that fan of his.

"Master, you know exactly our rule about cursing around Jack, Abigail, and Nursery Rhyme. I've told you and the other Servants about this many times already." He said this as he started charging up his mana circuits.

"I'm sorry-!"

**_"TRACE ON!"_ **

I saw the light as Emiya whacked me on the head with a paper fan bearing the strength of a solid warhammer.

Well, I didn't expect to go to sleep like this.

Miraculously, I was pulled out of my Limbo quite soon as Emiya picked me up from the floor and then patted my head as he gently put me in a nearby chair.

"Good grief, you really are a troublemaker, Master."

"I'm sorry."

Emiya looked over me and gently cleaned my recently hit head with a handkerchief.

"Come on then, Master. I'll go cook you two up some nikujaga for dinner tonight. You two deserve the food and rest after all."

I am truly glad now that it was Emiya who caught me in the act of breaking the anti-swearing rule around Jack, Abigail, and Nursery Rhyme.

I looked at Emiya as he gave me a gentle smile.

"Y-yeah!" I said this as I cried tears of joy at his maternal visage.

J'Alter looked over with Emiya's face and strangely wondered why she felt the need to treat this man like her mother.

Is this man an Archer-class Servant?

I truly think this Mother-class Servant is a whole other league on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Mother Class Servant has to be a thing one of these days ~
> 
> That said, RNGesus, please give me Onee-san of Orleans in one of these gachas. 
> 
> Just so I can have the Double Jeanne Team.
> 
> Please.


	5. Anarchy in Britannia I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ritsuka and his merry band of Servants end up rayshifting to the 4th singularity, London. 
> 
> There, they meet new allies and enemies, including mass-produced steam powered automata with blades in their hands. 
> 
> Other than that? 
> 
> Definitely one of the best / worst family reunions happens here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay ~
> 
> Your boy has been quite busy with course work these past couple of days (weeks, you dimwit). 
> 
> That, and a healthy case of writer's block. 
> 
> Thank you once more for the reads and support for my fanfiction here ~
> 
> Please do leave a kudos and / or a comment if you like / have an idea how I can improve this fic for the better ~

"Crap, where the hell is everyone?!"

I said this as I wandered about the mist-covered streets of Westminster.

London, the home of Her Gluttonous Majesty and the Round Table of Camelot. Truly, it's one of history's significant sites of culture and such. Nice places for sightseeing too, but-

Whatever beauty and glamour 1800's London would've had, was currently obscured in dreary fog that's been here since we arrived.

Blast that smarmy doctor, I'm gonna have his head on a plate when we get back.

It'll go without a hitch, my ass! There were already fluctuations in the singularity since all this mist just messed up our locations.

Initially, I rayshifted here with Mash, J'Alter, Nero, L'Artoria, and Edmond, however the mist seems to have split us all up.

I had been ambushed by various steam robots that kept slashing at me with cleavers, so suffice to say, it clearly wasn't a welcoming reception.

I had already brought out both of my Shirogane pistols and it takes too much mana to be able to kill one wave of these bastards. I'm pretty sure I ended up using up a half of my current mana cartridge stocks just clearing four waves.

Long story short, I'd be dead unless I find my Servants or a safe spot to charge up my cartridges. Charging them out here is too much of a risk, anyways.

Suddenly, a whole new wave of those blade-toting machines appeared out of the mist in front of me.

Just great. Just really fuckin' great.

My dual handguns were ready to fire hot Gandrs in their faces…

… until a very familiar tomboy Saber in armor of steel and crimson greeted me just now.

"USHAAA!" The Saber had yelled out as she dropkicked one of the menacing machines to the ground.

In another swift and violent motion, she sliced another in half as sparks of crimson trailed the blade.

As soon as they were all reduced to scrap heap, the familiar stranger pointed her blade towards me.

"Oi, I haven't seen one of you bastards around here. What sort of business do yo-"

"Wait, Mordred?"

The helmed Saber seemed to stop in her tracks as she realized her name was revealed so easily. She then marched towards me menacingly, with her infamous blade in tow.

"Hey, how the hell do you know my name, magus?" She menacingly said as she put Clarent against my throat.

"I'm Fujimaru Ritsuka, a Master from Chaldea! It just so happens that another you is my Servant." I gulped then continued. "I mean you no harm here, I just came here to fix up this singularity."

She peered at me with a suspicious and guarded gaze.

"Hmph, you seem harmless anyways." She said this as she lowered her blade to her side and dematerialized it.

As soon as Clarent faded away, her signature helmet folded back into its place and revealed to me the very familiar fanged tomboy I've grown familiar with.

"Well, if you really wanna help me out here, I'll just bring you to that four-eyed bastar-"

"Senpai!" "Praetor!"

I turned my head to see Mash and Nero briskly walking towards us from a mist covered alleyway.

"Ah! Mash, Nero! I'm glad you guys are here!"

Mash approached me first and looked me over for any injuries while Nero followed suit in doing so.

"Hey, hey, I'm not that helpless, you two!"

"Umu, but ever since you got those fancy and flashy firearms of yours, you've gotten even more reckless!" Nero scolded me and huffed in annoyance.

Mash nodded along with the emperor.

"Nero is right, Senpai! You can't just go about with your guns blazing, you know?"

Yikes, they're irked for sure.

I apologetically scratched my head. "Fine, fine, I'll take extra care of myself." Afterwards, I looked around us for our other party members. "Say, have you two seen the others? I got split up here on my own, but," I looked towards an impatient Mordred, " I ran into this singularity's Mordred."

Nero and Mash warily looked over to the still impatient knight.

"Don't worry, she agreed to help us out and we're supposed to be heading-"

"Praetor, that's not exactly what worries me…"

Huh?

Nero mouthed out to me while gesturing to her chest: " Curvy Artoria." While she mouthed this out to me, Mash was making spear thrusting gestures in the air to accentuate Nero's point.

Ah well, shit. Fate must be truly cruel today, eh? Allowing one of the worst father and son reunions to happen in this time of crisis.

Can't do much about it now anyways...

"We'll cross the bridge when we get there, Nero. We don't have much of a choice right now. Besides, we're heading out to-"

I looked to Mordred and asked "Where are we going exactly?"

"Well, it's about time you three stopped ignoring me!"

She calmed down a bit and continued. "Anyways, I can see that these are the Servants you brought along with you, so I'll let them tag along with us. To keep it short, I plan to take your little tour group with me and bring you to our base of operations here."

"That's great and all, but we're missing some other Servants in our party as well, Mordred."

The knight raised an eyebrow out of interest. "Is that so? Well, we can head to my base now and plan it out, yeah? You'll have a fatter chance looking around this forsaken place for them here."

Ah well, she has a point.

"Besides, I just want to plop myself all nice and comfy somewhere now. I'm tired as shitfuck, y'know? I've been walking around in circles around this misty ass city. "

She's certainly got her priorities then, eh?

We all nodded our approval and walked with our guide in this blighted mist.

We eventually arrived quite soon at her base.

Save for the mana signatures inside, the house looked just as dreary as the rest of the city here.

"Well, make yourselves at home, guys." Mordred said as she stripped down her armor and wore her usual red clothes and lazily plopped herself on a couch inside the domicile.

Nero saw the cozy living room and followed suit by plopping herself on a couch adjacent to Mordred's. She practically curled herself up on the couch like the imperial feline she was.

Even though we just got here, Nero's already started to engage the bored Mordred in idle chatter about things.

The rest of the house seemed like a traditional looking house from this time period.

It's old fashioned, but it's pretty cozy!

"Ah! So, you must be the newcomers to this dreary city? I apologize for such a rude welcome to this place."

I looked towards the direction of the voice and found a bespectacled blonde. He wore rather formal clothing but it seemed like comfy, everyday wear for him.

He greeted us three with a gentle smile and a wave.

"I'm pleased that you're all able to join our little team here, we've been quite understaffed here to do anything much around here."

"I'm Dr. Jekyll, by the way, pleased to meet you all."

Mash and I widened our eyes in surprise as he introduced himself.

"Ah, Senpai! It's The Dr. Jekyll from Stevenson's own novella. It's a pleasant surprise to see him here."

I nodded my head at Mash's brief and nerdy factoid. "Well, I'm Fujimaru Ritsuka, the sole Master of Chaldea." I gestured towards Mash and continued. "This is my servant and kouhai, Mash."

The lilac Shielder gave a slight bow and introduced herself. "I'm Mash Kyrielight, Shielder-class Servant of Chaldea. Pleased to meet you, Doctor!"

The blonde doctor smiled warmly at us and asked. "Say, who's the girl that kind of looks like Mordred over there?"

We look over to Nero happily chatting away with Mordred.

"Ah, that's Nero Claudius, she's a Saber."

The doctor raised an eyebrow out of curiosity, "Nero? Emperor Nero? I expected the mad emperor to be more, um…"

Nero had suddenly stood up on the coffee table and was pretending to flamboyantly address a legion of her followers. Safe to say, Mordred was amused at how much the emperor could keep up such a display for so long.

"Yeah, don't sweat it, doc. People usually get surprised when I reveal Nero's identity." I chuckled, but then I asked about a more pressing matter. "Although, you wouldn't happen to have seen or heard about any other new Servants arriving here, Doc? There are currently three missing Servants from my party."

"Ah! So that must be why Fran must've headed out earlier. She mentioned that she found new Servant mana signatures and seeked them out, so that might be them. Well, hopefully."

In the background of our conversation, we heard the whistle of a tea kettle.

"Ah! My tea is done boiling! Join me for some tea and biscuits, why don't you?"

Mash and I accepted his invitation and joined him.

We passed the time telling the blonde doctor about our travels and ventures throughout the singularities. The kindly man would react in amazement and interest over our travels in between his sips of brewed tea and bites of lightly sweetened biscuits. Soon enough, Mordred and Nero joined us for biscuits and storytelling.

It was a nice and lively way of passing the past couple of hours actually ~

Hopefully this could last for much long-

_SLAM!_

Looks like I spoke too soon, then.

Startled, Mash and I stood up from our seats and we walked over to the entrance of the house.

"Ah, Master! It's good to see you're alright."

"Oh! Edmond!"

True enough, the rest of my party arrived here just now.

At the open door, there stood Dantes, L'Artoria, and J'Alter, who were led by a pink-haired girl who wore a white dress and oddly enough, had a metallic headpiece.

The pinkette looked at me and Mash curiously and cocked her head to the left, as if further intrigued by the new arrivals.

"Uuu?" she groaned out.

Hm? Looks like she can only talk like this.

"Ah, Fran! You came back with Master Fujimaru's Servants. Well done!"

"Fran" practically beamed at the praise given to her by the doctor.

"Uu! Uu!" Fran happily cheered out.

Afterwards, Jekyll looked to us and introduced us to the pinkette. "Ah, apologies! This lovely lady right here is Frankenstein, or well, Fran. She's a Berserker class Servant." He then gestured towards us, "This is Master Fujimaru and Mash from Chaldea, Fran."

Fran gave us a friendly nod then pointed to herself.

"F..f..ran..!"

"Senpai and I are pleased to meet you as well, Fran!" Mash said as she politely bowed towards the pink Berserker.

The rest of my Servants made their way in, and upon closer look, the three of them all showed signs of fatigue and injury.

"Good to see you're well, Master." The more mature Artoria smiled at me gently, as she walked in first.

"I'm pleased as well to see that you're alive and well, Master." Edmond calmly said as he dusted his coat and hung it on a nearby coat rack.

Finally, J'Alter walked into the house and leaned on one of the couches in the living room.

"Heh, at least you're alive and kicking, Master, fufufu ~" She said as she relaxed more on the plush seat.

I gave my three Servants a smile.

"It's really nice to see you all made it here! I was really worried when the mist split us all up, y'know?"

L'Artoria walked to me and patted my shoulder reassuringly. "Well, we're here now, Master, so you don't have to worry much." A warm visage was upon her face, and that made me more at ease.

She continued, "Master, what's our plan of acti-"

The Lancer king would've continued but she was cut off by a certain blonde knight.

"Oi! Fran, you're back already?!"

Said blonde knight walked out of the dining room with Nero (who appears to have been binging on the biscuits, given the amount of crumbs on her dainty mouth).

"How'd the search g-!"

Mordred locked her surprised eyes with L'Artoria as soon as she saw her.

Safe to say, even L'Artoria was shocked to see Mordred under the same roof as us.

Fuck. I was so distracted that I forgot about how Mordred would react to L'Artoria being here with us.

"Fath..er?" Mordred practically pushed that one word out of her mouth and suddenly, the bright and cheery air became quite heavy.

Everyone in the room had tensed up at the father and son reunion.

L'Artoria cleared her throat and spoke up in a rather cold tone. "Mordred."

She quickly turned her attention back to me.

"Master, I'll stay upstairs now for the time being. I have been quite worn out with the automata we fought earlier." As she said this, she briskly made her way up the second floor of the house.

Mordred looked at me with a melancholic look in her eye.

"Oi, Master Fujimaru? Could we step outside for a bit? I have some questions to ask you."

I looked at Mordred, then the stairs that L'Artoria walked up.

Nero saw my concerned gaze and gave my hand a gentle squeeze.

"Umu, go ahead. Fret not, Praetor, I will check on her royal majesty." The short, buxom blonde gave me a reassuring smile.

Mash joined in the conversation as well.

"Senpai, she'll be alright. We'll take care of her, okay?"

I gave a small smile of relief.

"Gotcha then. I'll be counting on you two to take care of her then, Nero, Mashu."

They nodded and then promptly went upstairs.

J'Alter stood up from her seat and walked towards the door.

"Hn, just go you two. I'll be staying outside as well to keep a watch out for any of those persistent bastards."

Someone's starting to worry about Mordred and yours truly, eh? Well, she does present a fair reason to be standing outside either way, even if she's risking herself.

Jekyll seemed to rub his chin in thought on how we would proceed now. Luckily enough, Dantes picked up on the blonde's thoughts.

"Doctor Jekyll, is it? You can call me Dantes." Edmond said this as he cracked his knuckles and stretched out his hands. "Why don't we discuss our plan and findings while the rest of us talk it over? It might provide a more productive way to pass the time, no?"

"Ah, Dantes! That's a splendid idea. We can talk about this over some tea to help refresh you from your journey."

"Besides the plans and whatnot, there is a rather peculiar mystery afoot here. You might know something about it, considering you've been here much longer than us from Chaldea."

Jekyll had a suspicion of what it might've been, and nodded in approval at the Avenger's request.

Fran seemed a bit confused on where she'd go next, but she eventually decided to stay with Edmond and Jekyll.

Soon enough, Mordred and I walked to the nearby Hyde Park while J'Alter stood nearby us to keep watch. We decided to sit on a sturdy yet comfy bench in relative silence.

"So…"

My ears perked up as soon as the knight opened her mouth.

"I'm not sure how much of a bitch life wants to be to me right now, but you came in this singularity with my …" She sighed heavily, "...Father. You came in here with her not to torment me, right?"

This was too familiar to me.

This singularity's Mordred had that same heavy face when Chaldea Mordred first saw Artoria and L'Artoria. She wasn't able to focus the whole week that time, since she had to get used to seeing her father around.

It's always been one of my regrets as a Master, to not be able to properly reconcile the estranged father and son. They may be my Servants, but I care too much about them to just leave them be as just my pawns or whatever.

Still, since we're here and we pretty much have to work together now…

"Mordred, I assure you, your father came here with us without knowing you were here at all." I took a heavy sigh as well, "After all, this is Londinium. The king couldn't bear to just leave her homeland to ruins like this, even if it's vastly different from the one she's familiar with."

The blonde knight smiled melancholically. "Naturally. It's the king's duty and burden to watch over the people, no?"

Shuffling a bit to a more comfortable sitting position, she continued, "I can see from my father that she hasn't been able to fix things yet with the other me, huh?"

I nodded hesitantly as a response.

"I expected as much. Look, I just wanted to get some air out to breathe and ask about her and myself."

Mordred looked at me with a shaky smile.

"I'll cooperate, okay? Don't worry. I can settle my score with Father another time, y'know?"

J'Alter had also been listening in to our conversation as she kept watch.

"Knight, you may say that, but deep down you can't help it either, non?"

Said knight gave J'Alter a wary look, "What would you know about it, grumpy?"

The pot's calling the kettle black for sure.

"I understand those desires of yours to quell that vengeful fire in your heart, Pendragon."

The Avenger replied coolly and walked nearer to Mordred and I, her eyes still on the lookout within our mist laden surroundings.

"I know exactly what it's like to give in to that, for your information."

Suddenly, J'Alter narrowed her eyes in the direction of a nearby alleyway.

"Master, we've got ourselves some trespassers, so get your guns out now."

Soon enough, we heard the dreary moans of steampunk machines.

_SHIIIIIIING!_

The blade wielding automata dragged their weapons on the ground menacingly. As if ready to behead anyone at a moment's notice.

Mordred stood up from the bench and materialized her armor and Clarent.

"Good fucking grief! Just when I was in a shitty mood out here, you fucktards show up again?"

A violent beam of crimson light covered her blade as she channeled her rage-induced mana.

We're in for a fight then!

Judging that my pistols weren't going to be enough firepower to wipe out some of them, I brought out my other weapon.

"Manifest, Onigashima !"

In my hands, a mana-enhanced lever action rifle materialized. This gun just so happened to be one of the many guns I commissioned Da Vinci to craft for me. This one, I had the money hungry Caster model it after a Winchester Model 94 with a wooden ebony stock and silver filigree. Unlike the Shirogane pistols, this rifle right here easily concentrates the mana into shots worth ten Gandrs each.

BAM, BAM, BAM!

I quickly unloaded three shots at one of the machines without a moment's pause.

I look at J'Alter and Mordred to give them my commands.

"J'Alter! Skewer these bastards!"

"Hn, you don't have to tell me twice!" The fallen saintess raised her blade and spears of midnight erupted from the ground to pierce through the myriad of machines around us.

"Mordred! Wipe 'em out!"

"Heh! You got it, Master!" The rogue knight unleashed a wave of scarlet light as she sliced the skewered automata horde in half.

More and more of these robots keep on coming! Is there an end to these bastards?! I thought about this while unloading more of my mana rifle shots.

While J'Alter swung and stabbed at our foes with her baleful lance, Mordred would slash and pummel at them with savage vigor.

They got many to the point that I even had to bash their metallic faces in with the butt of my rifle and fire at them in point-blank range.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one of the machines about to hack Mordred's back.

"Mordred, look out!"

She turned to block the massive cleaver of the automata -

"Hmph. I suppose it is a king's duty to watch over her people, no?"

\- A beam of light pierced the automata before the blade even met Mordred's skin, shutting it down for good.

We turned to look at L'Artoria upon her Dun Stallion.

In her hand was none other the Rhongomyniad, the Light at the World's End.

"Be on guard, Sir Mordred." She coolly said.

"F-father?!" Mordred would've continued with several questions, but with the amount of automata about, now wasn't the right time.

"Questions later, Knight of Camelot! First, we save Britannia!"

Mordred was doubly surprised at how she was finally being addressed by her father, as she hacked and slashed away at metallic menaces.

Meanwhile, I was getting pushed to a corner since I'm more of ranged support than an actual unit on the field. The steampunk machines edged closer and closer as they repeatedly slashed at me with the slabs they think are blades.

Haaaa, someone get the aggro, please! I am but a long range support, so fuck off kindly!

My rifle jammed a bit, as one of them was about to behead me viciously.

Ah, I really should've multi-classed here.

I was about ready to pray my last rites, but a black spearhead pierced the eye of the robot.

As good as dead, it is.

"How useless can you get, Master? I thought you'd be showing me that you were a brave, brave Master, non?"

J'Alter berated me as she withdrew her spear and swiped back to crush the remaining machine horde on our end.

"Hn! I know you love me for sure, J'Alter ~" I cheekily replied in kind to her scathing concern.

She clicked her teeth in slight annoyance and embarrassment.

"Don't push your luck, you spiky haired bastard!"

I sighed in relief as I finally got some breathing room to briskly charge up Onigashima with my mana.

"I'm pushing my luck now! J'Alter, get down!" I said this as I aimed my sights down on them.

Just in the nick of time, the maiden ducked down on the ground as I pulled the trigger.

"Onigashima Art: Flashing Blight!"

My rifle fired off a piercing blast of white light that cleanly penetrated an automata.

"What the hell?! Just that? That was just a shitty Gan-!" J'Alter's critique stopped dead as my ricocheting shot whizzed past her head, and killed off five other automata.

I blew the smoke off Onigashima's barrel.

"Couldn't hear what you were saying, oh my sweet, angry maiden ~" I said this as I pretended to clean my ear out. "You'll have to speak up clearly, y'know?"

"Tch! You win this one, you bastard."

I extended my hand towards her to help her up. "Come on, I'll help you up. We gotta keep an eye out for more of these bastards."

She was about to take my hand, but she gently pushed it away.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, you don't gotta do that for me, bastard."

She stood up and dusted herself.

It was a nice try, I guess?

Upon closer look, I noticed that her cheeks were tinged with a subtle cherry to them.

I hope she's okay.

Together, we looked around for more of the machines. Luckily enough, we found none of them in our vicinity.

Finished with our quick survey of the area, we briskly walked over to where Mordred and L'Artoria were earlier.

Thankfully enough, they were able to wipe out the enemies on their end.

"L'Artoria! Mordred! Glad to see you two are okay!"

The king and her knight looked towards our approaching forms.

"Ah, Master! Thank goodness you're alright." L'Artoria said this as she dismounted her steed.

Mordred briefly gave her father a wary look, but soon enough she also walked over to me by her father's side.

"Heh! I didn't expect you to be toting firearms like this! Not a whole lot of mages would consider lead spitters with mana steroids as a choice."

I smirked at Mordred's praise, "Well, I guess I ain't like most mages, or Masters for that matter!"

The Lancer king cleared her throat and turned to Mordred.

"Sir Mordred Pendragon."

On instinct, Mordred kneeled in front of her king.

L'Artoria looked a bit uneasy.

"Sir Mordred, there is no need for such formalities." She took her hand out towards the spiky blonde knight, "Please rise and face me."

Mordred stood up and looked at her king's hand.

"What is the meaning of this?"

L'Artoria took a deep breath and replied, "Given our circumstances right now, it would be unwise of me to completely push you away and cause further conflicts between us in this scenario. Besides, we have a common goal of fixing this singularity, do we not?"

"Mordred, I will be pushing aside our bloody history for now and cooperate with you."

L'Artoria offered her hand once more, "I humbly ask you to a ceasefire for now as we join forces."

The knight in question hesitated a bit, but soon enough, she firmly grasped her king's hand.

"So be it then, my liege. As a knight of Britannia, I will protect this land with thee!"

Mordred flashed a fanged smirk, "I will save our fated battle for another day then."

L'Artoria chuckled at her knight's rough nature. "So it shall be then, Sir Mordred."

As if interrupting this moment, we felt a powerful mana signature of a Servant heading towards us. We turned to see a mysterious long haired man in white robes, who came out of the mist.

Walking towards us in a quietly threatening gait, he approached us with a short blade in hand and a book on the other.

"Hm, so you've stood your ground against our horde? How humanity and its remnants must be so steadfast."

My Servants and I quickly pointed our respective weapons against this suspicious magus.

"Who the hell are you? Answer quickly before I shoot that blade out of your hands!" I said this as I kept the magus locked in on my iron sights.

"Hmph, Master of Humanity, that should be of little concern to you, I believe." He closed his book and put it by his waist, "All that you should know is that I serve the Grand Caster himself, magus."

I cocked my rifle immediately as I heard him reference Solomon. "You've walked yourself into a corner, you bastard. So, you better start talking or my rifle here goes 'bang, bang'."

The man chuckled at my threat, "Heh, right place, wrong time, magus. If you truly wish to face me off, then we'll just have to race to good old Scotland Yard's place." He smirked a bit, "Although, I do believe you should be checking on your allies. They might have gotten themselves into a little scuffle with my accomplice."

I widened my eyes at that reveal.

Shit! It didn't occur to me to check on the base since we were in the middle of fighting these bastards.

Mordred stepped forward and growled out,"You bastard! You aren't getting away with this."

The mysterious man gave us a parting smile as he stepped back and faded into the mist.

His mana signature was suddenly gone as soon as he left.

I holstered my rifle and ran towards the house we were in hours ago, my team of Servants in tow.

We arrived at the house and saw that the front of the house was damaged with several slashes about.

I looked around to see Mash and Dr. Jekyll patching up Nero, Edmond, and Fran with healing spells and tonics by the entrance of our abode.

"Mash!"

The lilac Shielder looked over at me with clear concern and surprise in her eyes.

"Ah, Senpai! I'm so relieved to see that you're okay!"

"Master." "Praetor ~"

Nero and Edmond lazily waved at me from their spots on the entryway's staircase.

Fran was quietly sitting on a bench as the blonde doctor tended to her. Said Berserker nodded her head at us from her seat.

"You guys mind giving us a sit-rep on your end? Artoria ran off on her Dun Stallion as soon as she sensed that you were in danger." Edmond asked us as he lit up a cigarette.

Along with my team of Servants, we quickly briefed them about our encounter with the machines and the mysterious Servant.

"What about you lot? It sure looks like all of you got an ass whooping." Mordred asked the injured Servants.

The Servants in front of us gave us various confused expressions.

"Senpai, we'd certainly like to give you a report from our end, but…"

"Umu, we would, but our memories are quite fuzzy from the battle." Nero rubbed her chin in thought as she tried to recall, "All of us only remember fighting those Helter Skelter mechas, but we fought with a Servant for sure. None of us seem to remember what this Servant looked like nor even what sort of magic they were using against us."

"That's strange for sure, they could certainly have a Caster with a memory wiping spell for all I kn-" I stopped my train of thought as I remembered this mysterious Servant's modus operandi from somewhere.

Wait.

I looked over at my surroundings and my Servants.

Small slashes on them everywhere, the weapon couldn't have been too big. The blades were definitely used by a certainly agile sort of Servant. There were also sharp dents in the wood and cobblestone of the house and street, as if sharp projectiles were lodged in them.

Memory issues regarding the Servant themselves and their way of attack? Oh ho, there's only one possible Servant with that kind of strategy. Doesn't help much either that it's London that this one is terrorizing with the Grand Caster's Servants and pawns.

Gotcha in my sights, kiddo.

"Jack."

All Servants present looked towards me as I spoke up.

"This is all Jack the Ripper's doing, isn't it?"

**Blooper: Sweater Weather**

"Hmm, I do suppose it's time I check on Master's room, since he's out in that new singularity."

A tall white haired man walked the halls of Chaldea as he went about his routine as the self-proclaimed caretaker of his Master.

Said man decided not to brush his hair back nor wear his usually stylish red long coat.

Of course, this man was none other than Emiya.

Soon enough, he arrived at his Master's room, which had a healthy amount of souvenirs from his adventures laid about.

His cleaning was quite brief as per usual, since his Master had enough sense to keep his room tidy and organized on his own.

Although, the only thing that wasn't exactly tidy about him were the 'ascension materials' under his mattress.

Emiya lightly laughed at how young his Master still was.

"Well, he is just a young man, after all. He may be carrying the weight of humanity on his shoulders, but at least he's still human."

After cleaning up and folding his Master's bed, he went over to his desk to clean it up as well.

Safe to say, his desk was one of the more decorated parts of the room, given the variety of sketches, notes, and trinkets upon it.

"Ah, so that's where he gets the idea for his firearms." Emiya looked over to see a book of various firearms and a couple of rough yet intricate schematics for gear. He looked to the right of the desk and found sketches of him, and a bunch of other Servants in various angles and poses.

Although, he did notice a very odd pair of sketches underneath the book as he was wiping the desk.

He looked over the highly detailed drawings of the Maid of Orleans and the Dragon Witch.

"His eye for detail is... certainly something." Emiya studied the drawing and how soft yet accurate the details were for both Servants.

The sketched Jeanne seemed to pretty much capture the warm and gentle gaze of the saintess. The image he captured in charcoal and paper was so vivid and lifelike, as if she was actually there in person. Aside from the elaborate art of Jeanne, there were hearts drawn around her; The hearts placed in a way that made sure the blonde's face was seen to all without anything blocking her visage.

Jeanne Alter on the other hand, was drawn just as elaborately. In lieu of capturing a softer side, Ritsuka had made sure to keep her in character. J'Alter was portrayed with a fanged smile on her face; As if she was teasing those that looked upon her gaze. Similarly, the fallen saintess had hearts drawn around her in a similar fashion to her vanilla counterpart.

"I do recall him showing me his sketches whenever I passed by him in the library every now and then. He's drawn Mash, Nero, me, and the rest of us, but he didn't draw us to this precise detail nor did he include designs like this."

Ah, young love.

"Master, you hide things like this way too badly, y'know?"

Far away in Londinium, Ritsuka felt a very, very cold shiver go upon his back as he settled in the house with his weary Servants.

"I sense a disturbance in the force. Why do I feel like my privacy is being invaded?"

'By the Maker Above, I hope that nobody finds those fanboy sketches of mine.'

He looked over to his side and found J'Alter, who was looking at him strangely.

"Have you gone batshit already? We just got here, Master. Surely, you don't have the colds or anything?"

Embarrassed, he averted his eyes away from the Servant beside him.

"Y-yeah! I'm fine, don't worry about it!"

The fallen saintess gave him a wary look, but she just gave up and shrugged it off as she drank her tea.

"Well, I better just put it back here then." The Archer said this as he put back the drawings in their badly hidden spot on the desk.

Afterwards, Emiya picked up his Master's laundry basket and closed up the room before he headed to the laundry room of Chaldea.

"Ah, Emiya ~ ! What a pleasant surprise to see you here."

Emiya looked to see the curvy, Berserker general (and self-proclaimed mother of Master Ritsuka), Minamoto no Raikou.

"Ah, good day to you, Raikou. I trust that you have been having a pleasant day so far?"

Emiya said this as he set down his Master's hamper and began to separate them by color.

"Yes, yes, it's truly been a fine day." Raikou's smile dropped a bit into a slight pout, "Although, I dearly miss my child. I haven't spoiled him in a while, after all! He even went to that new singularity without me, ugh."

The swordswoman also started to unload her laundry and segregate them. "Don't you worry about him whenever he goes into these new singularities? They seem to be getting more and more dangerous as he goes…"

The Archer gently pat Raikou on the shoulder. "Don't be too worried about our Master, Raikou. He may be reckless, but he can handle himself and he's got a good enough team with him in Londinium."

Raikou smiled as she felt comforted by Emiya's reassurance.

"Thank you for watching over him as always, Emiya." She rubbed her chin in thought, "Say, how are you and the King of Knights? I heard you two have been going quite steady, despite all that goes on here ~"

The usually composed Archer got caught off guard at his fellow Servant's inquiry. "I, uh…" Emiya took a quick breath, "Artoria and I are fine, honestly. I just make sure that we're at a steady enough pace with each other. Her stoic self just ends up being too flustered at the times I actually treat her like a lady and not the King of Knights."

Emiya would've continued sharing, but realized something was wrong with the laundry.

"Huh? That sweater of his isn't here?" The Archer rummaged through his Master's laundry but he couldn't find the teen's favorite striped sweater. According to his Master's own words, the sweater was a birthday gift from his late mother and father. He cherished it as he flew all the way from Japan and travelled to the remote mountains of Chaldea.

Raikou looked at the growingly frantic Archer as he kept on looking through the pile of clothes that belonged to her dear child.

"Emiya, is there something amiss?"

He sighed deeply, "I just can't seem to find Master's favorite sweater in this pile. I know I just saw him wear that earlier this week, and Nero ended up accidentally spilling her apple juice on it, so I know that should be here."

"Say, you don't think someone got his sweater, do you?"

"... " Emiya's mind went blank at the possibility that someone stole the sweater without realizing the sentimental value of it to their Master.

The Archer briskly put the clothes in the wash, as he got up to hunt down the sweater thief.

"How dare they! I'll make sure that Master gets that sweater in one piece and then I'll hang 'em to dry."

"Try not to cause too much of a ruckus, Emiya ~ ! Although…" The Berserker smiled sadistically, "...if the thief just happens to be that stalker dragon girl or that dreadful pint-sized oni, you come tell me as soon as possible, okay ~ ?"

'You clearly just want to find an excuse to bash their hands, Raikou'

The Archer Servant briskly walked out of the laundry room and parted ways with Raikou.

Soon enough, Emiya was pacing the wide hallways of the base as he racked his mind on who the culprit might have been.

"Ah, Emiya, greetings!"

Said Archer turned to see the gentle saintess with a pleasant smile upon her face.

Emiya decided to calm down and talk to the fair maiden, "Ah, Jeanne, greetings to you as well. How do you fa-"

Emiya paused as he looked at what Jeanne was wearing and found that she was wearing a very familiar sweater.

It was Master Ritsuka's sweater?!

There's no mistake about it. The black and white stripe pattern with a Shiba design on the back of it. The fluffy yet lightweight fabric.

This is definitely his prized sweater.

Somehow, the sweater was a bit too long on the maiden's sleeves, but the rest of the sweater gave her body a nice contour (This was a given, thanks to the saintess' rather shapely self).

"Oh? What's the matter, Emiya? Are you not feeling well?"

Emiya snapped back to reality at that and saw the concerned visage of Jeanne.

"Ah, I was actually looking for that sweater of his, since I was doing his laundry for today, Jeanne."

Jeanne looked a bit flustered and guilty as she worried the Servant in front of her.

"U-um, I apologize that you had to go and stress yourself out so much, Emiya." She slightly bowed, "My deepest apologies for the troubles!"

Relieved that someone sensible actually had the sweater, Emiya felt a weight off his chest.

"Don't worry, I was just afraid that the sweater was missing, Jeanne. Well that, or some less savory and sane characters getting their hands on it."

"Hm, now that you mention it, I did notice Kiyohime following me every now and then this past week…"

Both sighed at the dragon girl's antics.

"Out of curiosity, how did you manage to get his sweater?" Emiya inquired as he sat down with Jeanne on a nearby bench.

"Well, I was with the Master at the time when Nero tumbled over and spilled her drink, since she was trying to pirouette around while she balanced the cup on her head."

That certainly sounded something Nero would do.

"Of course, Nero quickly apologized afterwards, and I offered to clean his sweater since he seemed close to tears about his favorite sweater being stained." Jeanne was clutching the ends of the sweater and her face was a tad bit flushed, "W-well, Master couldn't help but be overjoyed when I handed him his sweater and he embraced me quite closely, as if he wouldn't let go…" At this point, the once fair complexion of Jeanne was now cherry red. "Before he could fully wear it, a cold breeze flew in and I ended up shivering, so he ended up giving me the sweater to wear."

Jeanne cleared her throat and continued, "Well…, Master was really thankful, as he embraced me once more and thanked me plenty."

At the end of it, the fair maiden was as red as Emiya's usual coat.

'Master, you've certainly picked one of them well for sure. She's too much of an innocent sweetheart, that what you're doing is quite new for her. I really hope you treat her and Alter right…'

Emiya thought to himself and gently patted the saintess on her head as he stood up from the bench.

"Well, if that's the case, take care of his sweater then, Jeanne." The Archer smiled at the saintess, "My work here is done, so I'll be going back to my duties for today."

As he walked away a few steps, he called out to Jeanne.

"Hey, Jeanne?"

The maiden's ears perked up and she looked at Emiya.

"What is it, Emiya?"

The Archer gave a thumbs up and a teasing grin, "I wish you luck with your advances towards our- No, your beloved Master, hm?"

"E-Emiya!" The poor girl became even more of a flustered yet smiling mess.

With that, Emiya withdraws coolly.

Later in the day, Emiya was able to finish up his tasks for today.

Well, all but one of them, at least.

The Archer went to the viewing deck on one of the upper floors and looked for a lovely spot that perfectly overlooked the vivid sunset over the frigid pale of Chaldea's mountains. As he sat down in front of the coffee table and unpacked a plethora of dishes and utensils upon it.

Currently, the man was waiting for someone to watch this sunset with him.

"Did you have a pleasant day today, Shirou?"

Emiya turned behind him and saw the beaming face of the one that caught his eye and affections.

Somehow, the sunset's light seemed to shine and accentuate her sun-kissed hair and eyes of soft emerald. Her soft and fair complexion only seemed to look even more flawless as she basked in the warm glow of soft sunlight.

As bright as sunlight would have been, Artoria's gentle smile seemed to be the brightest thing in the whole world to the white haired Archer. Saber's usual armored dress and cape were absent, and instead she wore a simple yet elegant casual dress on her person.

"It's a perfect day now, since you're here, Artoria."

The blushing Saber laughed softly at her love's earnest compliment.

"You don't have to compliment me so much, Shirou…" She smiled in her rosy cheeked glory as she sat down next to him and put her head on his shoulder, "You have no idea how much of a joy it is to spend time with you like this."

Emiya briefly moved away from Artoria, which earned a sad pout upon her face.

The Archer cupped his kingly Saber's cheek and gently caressed it.

"You truly brim with such fairness, my king." Emiya quickly closed the gap between them as he affectionately kissed her on her soft lips. The two lovers softly kissed in their flowery world, as they forgot about their surroundings.

The flustered king's growling stomach, however, served as a pull back to reality for the two.

"A-ah! Sorry!" Artoria was visibly embarrassed, "I ruined the moment there, huh?" The King of Knights herself desperately tried to hide her clear shame as she hid herself by clinging to Emiya's shoulder.

"Well, we can fix that easily, can't we?" Emiya said this as he used his chopsticks to pick up a piece of karaage to feed to his hungry girlfriend.

As soon as the blonde king took a whiff of the savory piece, she took a bite. For her, it was just the other facet of heaven whenever she was with her Archer. She couldn't help but smile like a sweet child.

She soon went back to leaning on Emiya and cutely demanded that he feed her.

"You truly are a spoiled one, eh?" Emiya teased as he gently patted his lady's head. Artoria looked at him with a half-serious look.

"Mean."

The two lovers burst out in soft laughter at their antics.

This lovely little snippet was just one of the things that made Chaldea so vivid on the inside.

Such is daily life in Chaldea, no?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I ship it. 
> 
> 'nuff said.


	6. Anarchy in Britannia II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chaldea party's misadventures continue even further in the misty city of Britannia.
> 
> Still, despite the gloomy world around them, Ritsuka is able to find solace in spending time with his Servants as they rest from battling Solomon's forces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back once more and wow, was this one a toughie to write for me.
> 
> I heavily blame FGO, Arknights, P5R, and FE: Three Houses for being my gatekeepers to writing this chapter ~

“This is definitely Jack’s handiwork, it’s unmistakably her technique.” I said this as we settled back in the house to rest and plan our next course of action. We had been currently wracking our minds on forming a plan to deal with Solomon’s pawns in this singularity.

Safe to say, all of us were quite fatigued from today’s activities.

Most of my Servants and I were sprawled about in our base of operations. Nero, Mordred, and J’Alter were currently sharing the sole couch of the living room, while Edmond, Artoria, Mash, and I stayed around in seats as we took in our respite.

“True, the Servant we fought just now does share similarities to our little Assassin. Still, that makes her one of our most dangerous enemies here.” Edmond paused for a bit to put out his cigarette on a nearby ashtray, “It doesn’t help either that Londinium is misty with this accursed fog all over, so she can freely kill us off any time she wishes.”

L’Artoria looked pensively at her cup of tea, “Either way, it’s going to be quite difficult to deal with the Caster when Jack watches by.”

I walk over to Mash who appears to have been attempting to phone in our support from Chaldea. The lilac Shielder only grew more and more anxious the more she tried contacting them to no avail.

Ah well, I have been wondering why Romani was too silent this time around.

“Any luck, Mash?” I asked as I sat down next to her.

She shook her head in response, “Apologies, Senpai, but this mana-potent mist in the whole Singularity has caused there to be issues in even attempting to get signals from anywhere.”

Soon enough, Dr. Jekyll came into the room with a rolled up parchment in his hand. Other than that, he carried fountain pens and other equipment with him. The doctor laid these objects upon a well lit table.

“Master Fujimaru, could I have a moment of your time? You as well, Sir Dantes.”

The well dressed Avenger and I walked over to the good doctor’s table and saw a map with neatly marked locations and notes on it. It took me a moment or two to realize that this was a map of our immediate surroundings in Londinium. Upon even closer inspection, I realized the map was entirely done by hand.

“As you two fellows can see here, we were able to scout around our area and form a map before you whole lot came over here.” Jekyll pointed at the marked locations on the map, “The locations I’ve marked here are places with rather powerful mana signatures coming from within them, so I would kindly suggest that we survey these areas and check these mana signatures out and see where our enemies would be lying about.”

Dantes decided to throw his own two pences in, “I just noticed it, but the rest of the map seems quite incomplete, does it not? I scanned over the whole thing and I couldn’t help but notice that there are red dotted lines marked on some parts of the map’s edges.”

The doctor sighed and pushed up his glasses, “The thing is, those areas have the heaviest concentration of mana-infused mist. It pretty much just means that we’d suffocate horribly even if it’s just taking one step within them.”

“Still, as far as we’ve observed, none of the Helter Skelters or Automata Dolls come from there or even go past that area. Thus, it would imply that our enemy should just be within the boundaries of the map here.”

Looking upon the map once more, I found that Soho had been marked with a question mark.

“Say, Doc, why’s this place marked like this?” I said as I pointed at the location in question.

The doctor looked over the landmark which caught my interest, “Ah, Soho? From what Fran reported to us, there were sightings of a rather peculiar book.” Jekyll got a small notebook from within his vest pocket and flipped through some pages, “I do suppose we could look into it, hm? After all, we might just find a lead to that Caster fellow or even Jack for that matter.”

As much as I wanted to hunt these bastards down, I haven’t been able to have some proper rest and sleep ever since we got here. I looked over my Servants and realized that they shared my sentiments as well.

“Well, I think it’s best that we leave that for tomorrow, doc. I think we’ve earned ourselves some downtime from today.”

Dantes nodded in affirmation, “I suppose that would be the best course of action for now, Master. I am quite beat up myself, anyways.”

Soon enough, my Servants and I drew lots to see which room we’d get to ourselves. Still, for the house’s size, there were more than enough rooms to fit all of us. Suffice to say, the female Servants would be bunking together while us males would do so as well, but…

“Master! You want a bottle of Conk or Sparite?”

For the oddest reasons, I got bunked with the ever lively Mordred. The knight in question decided to bring us soft drinks to refresh ourselves as we settled in for the evening.

I rubbed my chin in thought, “An ice cold Sparite, Momo ~”

As I turned to receive my drink, my ice cold refreshment was sent hurtling towards my face. Okay, maybe I half expected that, but how the fuck is this thing still in one piece?

“Oi! Don’t go calling me weird names, Master!” The annoyed knight popped open her drink’s bottle cap using the tip of Clarent.

 _POP!_ went the refreshingly fizzy beverage.

As I rubbed my nose in pain, I retrieved my oddly intact Sparite from my side. I gestured to Mordred to open my drink up as well.

Another loud pop resounded in our room as she easily opened up the drink for me and handed it to me afterwards.

Both of us took a nice healthy swig of our respective drinks and neither of us could help ripping out a loud burp. In some sense of childish glee, we couldn’t help laughing out loud at our shit manners.

“Say, should you even be using it like that?”

“Hm? Oh, Clarent?” The spiky blonde looked over her blade, “Eh, it shouldn’t be a big deal either way. My blade, my rules anyways ~”

The room we got had windows that peered at the misty night outside us. Strangely enough, the moon tonight in Londinium was glowing in a baleful shade of scarlet, so the rogue knight and I decided to sit by the bed and look at the moon.

At this point in time, we’d already gone through half of our six packs of soda as I decided to tell Mordred some stories from previous Singularities and Chaldea.

“I still can’t believe Chaldea me has gotten that soft. Heh, I wouldn’t mind a good duel with her to see how different the two of us are…” As she mirthfully said this, she looked at the blood moon with a distant gaze.

“I’ll bite though, what does the Chaldea me think of…y’know?” The knight’s words caught up in her throat as she struggled to form the whole sentence. Still, I have a good idea that I know what she wants to hear…

“Aside from what I told you earlier? She barely approaches any of the Artorias-”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Mordred took a heavy swig of her Conk, “ You’re telling me there’s more than one of Father in Chaldea?!”

I sipped my Sparite and nodded in response, “At this point, it’s hard to just say Artoria without inviting the whole flock of them.”

The rogue knight only shuddered in discomfort at the news.

“Not a single one of them? None of them have talked with me about anything?”  
I suppose I did mention that Chaldea Mordred was more outgoing and happier these days, but that’s only because she learned to adjust to the Artoria Servants being around.

“Yeah.”

Mordred only smiled melancholically at that.

“Even if there were different versions of her there, none of them seemed to even give me the time of day…” She looked at me with a fragile gaze, “I suppose you know what I really wanted from Father, hm? At this point, that other me should’ve trusted you enough to bring it up.”

I nodded once more as a response. I was honestly at a lack of words on how to go about comforting this Mordred, since I was more of a listener rather than one who gives advice.

“Acceptance, it's all any child would want from their parents, y’know? It’s just a shame that I wasn’t even born right into this world or even recognized by Father.”

I gently squeezed Mordred’s hand as to comfort her, “Say that all you want, Mordred. I want you to know I never regretted summoning you and I always enjoy having you around in Chaldea. That place would be a whole lot more dull without you being your loud self and fighting everyone there.”

Mordred seemed to ease up as I told her this, and soon enough, a small smile appeared on her youthful visage.

“Heh, at least someone appreciates me being around.” She squeezed my hand a tad bit more firmly, “I’m thankful that the other me is with you, Master.”

She quickly stood up and set her bottles of Conk aside near her bed.

“It’s getting quite late, so I’ll go hit the hay now, yeah?”

“Go ahead, you punk. A tough as nails knight like you needs her shut eye, after all.” I smirked goodnaturedly.

“Heh, fuck off, man!” She roughly patted my head and smiled, “Still, thanks for talking to me and giving a damn too.”

I decided to stand up and take my empty Sparite bottles and Mordred’s Conk bottles with me, so that I could throw them downstairs.

“Sleep well then, Momo ~” I said as I was about to leave the room.

All I saw behind me was the rogue knight flipping me off as she buried herself in a quilt.

That’s classic Mordred alright.

I closed the door and saw myself in the house’s second floor hallway. Honestly? The whole place at night screams old school murder mystery.

“Master?”

Surprised at the sudden voice, I whipped my head to my left and saw L’Artoria in a nightgown and cardigan. I had to remind myself to look at her face and make eye contact, since her choice of sleepwear seemed to make her endowments more shapely than usual.

“L’Artoria? What are you up to at this time of night?”

She shifted her eyes as I asked her.

“You see, I was supposed to go downstairs and brew myself some chamomile tea. I have been having trouble sleeping actually, but…”

Taking a closer look at L’Artoria, I saw guilt and shame in her eyes.

“You couldn’t help but eavesdrop, huh?”

The busty blonde visibly winced as she heard those words from me.

“Say, wait, how’d you overhear us? Our rooms have privacy talismans to make sure none of us disturb the other.”

“Master, you two left the door ajar actually.”

“Eh?! That’s my bad then, urgh.” I had to double check that I closed the door this time and make sure that Mordred doesn’t come running here outside.

“Master, I am…” L’Artoria’s face conveyed confusion and sadness the more she looked at me, but she eventually gave in and sighed, “Apologies, but could I go downstairs with you to talk about this over some tea?”

“Yeah, sure. I was heading down either way actually,” I held up the bottles for emphasis, “I was gonna throw these down in the kitchen trash.”

Soon enough, we headed downstairs and sat down in the kitchen area. The king brewed her tea in silence and brought me a cup of it as well.

“You shouldn’t be drinking too much of that Sparite, Master.” She said this as she filled her cup and then my cup with hot chamomile. “It isn’t that good for you, yes?”

She and I took gentle sips of our soothingly warm tea.

“Well, I wouldn’t be drinking so much Sparite if you kept on brewing me tea like this.” I took another sip, “It’s been brewed quite well, L’Artoria. Your Majesty is even a king in tea brewing, heh.”

The Lancer in question gave a gentle smile at the praise, “I am most flattered at such praise, Master.” Her smile soon shifted into a more melancholic one as she took another sip of her tea.

“Praise…” She started off quietly as she pensively stared at her flowery tea.

“To think that my people praise me as the magnanimous once and future king of Britannia, yet…” L’Artoria seemed to be even more wistful as she took a deep breath and sighed, “...Yet I wasn’t able to look after my knights at all. A sorry excuse of a king that can’t even protect their most trusted in the kingdom.”

“L’Artoria…”

“I could never look at Mordred as my child, honestly. A homunculus product of my blood and my accursed sister’s...” The king could only stare at her cup of chamomile as she reflected on Mordred’s words from earlier, “...That is perhaps why I turned away from her when she brought up her lineage with me and because of that, Camelot and I fell to its own wrathful throes. To think that my rejection of her wanting me to be her father is what twisted her adoration for me into seething hatred.”

“You shouldn’t regret your rule, L’Artoria.” I sipped my now cool chamomile, “It’s not that I’m telling you to not feel anything about your mistakes, but to instead look forward to the future.”

L’Artoria still looked uneasy, “Master, I ended up neglecting a child nonetheless…” Her grip on the teacup was practically threatening to break the fine china, “A homunculi child that only wanted proper affection and guidance from a parent. They even paint Mordred as the wrathful knight that brought ruin to Camelot, not the neglected child she is.”

I looked at L’Artoria and gave her a soft smile, “Don’t be sorry, Your Majesty, but be better, no? As the holder of Camelot’s will and its people, you shan’t falter for the sun shan’t go down on you as long as you live and reign.”

The Lancer looked at me with a look of realization and soon enough, her gentle smile appeared once more.

“I suppose there is truth in your words, Master.” She poured out the remnants of the tea in her cup and mine, “Still, it seems like you’ve been with that King of Conquerors and his advisor more lately, no? You seem to be getting even wiser as the days pass us in Chaldea and these Singularities.”

I offered her a sheepish smile, “Ah, well, Iskandar himself is persistent on me playing games with him and Lord El-Melloi II, so I couldn’t help but pick up some sayings from them.”

L’Artoria softly laughed at that, “I see then, at least they seem to be more positive influence on you than I first thought.” She then stood up to gather our empty cups and teapot to clean them up. Afterwards, we cleaned up the table together and set it for breakfast tomorrow.

Soon enough, Artoria thanked me for my time and decided to head up to rest for our next move against Solomon and his Servants. I decided to head up soon after I threw the empty bottles of soda in the bin.

However, I couldn’t help but notice catching a certain mop of white hair that quickly hid behind a wall. As a few more moments passed, I heard hurried footsteps in the living room and something landing on one of the sofa cushions.

Admittedly curious, I walked over to the living room and found J’Alter ‘sleeping’ on the couch. I mean ‘sleeping’ very lightly, I could easily tell that she was fake sleeping as she made unrealistic snores and her eyes were shut a little too tightly.

I chuckled at saintess’ antics and I was about to head out until my foot bumped into something quite soft on the floor. I looked to see a nearby quilt messily strewn about the surface of the room.

Checking that J’Alter was still ‘sleeping’, I made sure to gently drape the blanket over her body and fixed her pillow for her so that she’d at least be more comfy. I did end up feeling her body subtly jolt in surprise when she realized I came back to fix her sleeping space.

Before I left, I only heard a hushed whisper from the saintess.

“D-dipshit…”

“Heh, sleep well, J’Alter ~”

Afterwards, I headed up to my room and turned in for the night.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Praetor, praetor ~”

“Yeah, yeah, what’s up Nero?”

As the next day came upon us, I decided to group up with Nero, Mash, Mordred, and Dantes to seek out the mysterious tome in one of the mist-laden boroughs. L’Artoria, J’Alter, Jekyll and Fran decided to rush out to Scotland Yard’s residence as a briefly written warning letter about an assassination attempt on him was found on the outside of our base’s door. To this hour, none of us still had an idea about how the letter even got to us and who could’ve possibly tipped us some information like this. While we were already warned by that Caster, this letter even contained a brief estimate of the enemies that were around that area and a shortcut that provided the least conflict on the way there.

“You seem to be kinda spacing out, umu.” Nero poked roughly at my cheeks, “Did you not sleep well last night?”

I glanced over to see Nero’s concerned expression, “Ah, a bit. Mordred and I had a couple of drinks last night actually, must be the sugar that kept me restless.”

Nero gasped upon hearing that and hurriedly walked over to Mordred, who was talking with Mash about some fighting techniques with her shield.

“Momo! Why didn’t you invite me for drinks last night?! I haven’t had a good drink or two in a while, umu…”

Soon enough, the two blonde Sabers were arguing over the soft drinks while Mash made sure to mediate between the two as the stable one within the trio.

“Heh, even in such a morbid looking England, we don’t have a dull moment do we, Master?”

Dantes had walked over to my side after Nero left mine. Currently, he was chewing on some coffee candy that he brought over from Chaldea. Funnily, he only came across the thing there and he couldn’t believe that people actually made his drink of choice into candy.

“We never do, Edmond. I hope it isn’t too noisy, your broodiness?” I smirked in response.

“It’s noise I’ve grown well too accustomed to in Chaldea, Master.” He reached in his coat’s inner pocket and presented me some taffy and caramel, “You want a caramel or taffy? Something tells me you need some sugar to keep you walking and sharp, considering that you’ve seriously been spacing out ever since we left.”

“I was spacing out?” Edmond nodded in response.

“I’ll take the caramel then ~” I got the caramel and popped the sweet and creamy morsel in my mouth. “Say, why do you have caramel and taffy? You usually don’t get these for yourself, y’know?”

The Avenger scratched the back of his head, “Hm? Well, Fran was curious about trying the coffee candy I kept to myself, so I decided to humor her and give her a piece.” Chuckling to himself, “It was an amusing sight to see her scrunch up her face at its bitterness, so she ended up getting some caramel and taffy to get rid of the taste after. She ended up giving me some as fair trade and saying that I should get better candy.”

I couldn’t help but laugh with Edmond at Fran’s own innocent and sweet antics. “To think she’s Frankenstein’s monster, y’know? It’s a pity that she gets labelled off that way despite her being so gentle.”

Sighing, Edmond felt for the poor girl, “It is truly a pity, Master. It’s a hellish thing how history and fiction can warp views on people of legend.”

We soon arrived at a rather decrepit bookshop around the area of Soho. True enough, the place reeked of a rampant mana signature about.

The hastily chained and locked door of the bookshop seemed to even further sell this place as an abandoned hellhole. Sneaking a peek via the windows of the place, we didn’t seem to visually find anything out of the ordinary.

Seeing that the heavily locked entrance was the only way in, I decided to shoot off the chains and locks. As soon as they were off the door, we quickly rushed in with our armaments in hand.

From the upper floor of the shop, we heard small footsteps trotting about the creaky wood. The figure that came down from the stairs was a little blue haired boy with glasses and light blue and gray formal wear. Oddly enough, he carried himself with a very mature stride and air as he held a sizable tome in hand.

“Woah, you lost here, kiddo?” I decided to stoop down and ask the boy.

“Kiddo!? Don’t you dare talk down to me, you uncouth bastard!” He angrily responded in a voice way too deep and mature for his youthful appearance.

I take it back, this was just a pint sized man Servant.

“Right, my apologies…” I shrugged at the strangeness of such, “Still, what brings you here? Hm, I didn’t catch your name actually.”

He huffed angrily and scribbled some choice words in his book, “Caster. Caster Hans Christian Andersen, and you better not forget who the hell you’re speaking to, magus!”

At this point, I honestly had half a mind to punt this little Servant all the way back upstairs.

“Hans Christian Andersen?! The fairy tale author?” Mash’s nerd aura was practically switched on as she heard about his identity. “I just want you to know I absolutely love your stories, Sir Andersen!”

“Hoho, I have an avid reader amongst you rabble? Interesting, interesting!” The blue haired Caster smiled quite haughtily at such praise, “As much as I’d like you to fawn over me, dear fan, we have business to attend to.”

Andersen looked back at me, “I suppose you seek that phantom tome lying about this humble shop?”

I nodded in response, “Yeah, we decided to hit this place up and see if there were any clues about Solomon and his lackeys within that book or something.

Andersen frowned slightly, “Hn. I’m quite afraid that book is too lively to be read, magus.” He looked towards a chained up door with runes inscribed upon it, “While I am a Servant, I’m quite the fragile sort when it comes to providing people early funerals on the field. That is pretty much my reasoning for locking up and sealing up that dreaded book behind that door.”

“Still, if you only came here for information, I have leads on where to check for such.”

I held my chin in thought, “I suppose that comes at the price of taking care of that tome, Andersen?”

He smiled pridefully, “Heh! I’m glad you caught on quickly, magus! Very well then, will you choose to help me put that damned book to rest?”

Seeing no other choice, I nodded my approval of such.

“Splendid! Well, time to open up that door then, I suppose.”

I readied my rifle and loaded it with a fresh mana cartridge, while my Servant party got their weapons out.

With a wave of his hands, the Caster author got rid of the multitude of chains and seals that bound the door.

We walked into the room and saw a rather familiar tome floating in the center. The design on the book clearly showed illustrations of Alice in Wonderland and cards of varying suits floated about with it.

“Say, say, isn’t that Nursery Rhyme, praetor?” Nero walked beside me with her scarlet armament, “I have an idea then ~ !”

I didn’t exactly like this uneasy pit in my stomach as she said that, “Nero, what are yo-”

The emperor decided to take a handful of caramel and taffy from Dantes and offer the book some of the candies.

“Alice ~ ! I got you some sweets! You can have them all if you just come with us nice and sweet, umu ~ !” The cheery Saber chirped as she placed a piece of taffy in the middle of the book. She looked on at the book as she waited for some sort of response from this Nursery Rhyme.

Said response came in the form of fire and lightning bolts that Nero nimbly evaded in time. Afterwards, she decided to chuck the other candies in hand hard enough to send the tome spiraling back to the end of the room.

“Hey, hey, you’re a Saber! You can’t just chuck candy like that and knock back something that hard, you’re not even remotely an Archer!”

The emperor in question smugly laughed at my retort, “Hn! ‘Tis my magnificence as an emperor of Roma, Praetor! All arts and talents are just within my grasp ~” She said this as she conjured and showered rose petals out of nowhere.

Nero sighed and frowned at her negotiation attempt being a blunder, “Well, it was a nice try, umu.” She got her Aestus Cestus blazing in hand as she got ready to battle Nursery Rhyme.

“Praetor, your orders?”

I would have had Nero lead the rest of the Servants but…

“Master, it appears there’s certainly more than just us here.” Dantes looked around as he charged his hands with baleful azure lightning. “I can take the others here with Sir Mordred and Lady Mash. There’s certainly a handful of other rampant spellbooks about, thanks to Nursery Rhyme.”

Thanks for taking the initiative, Dantes.

I nodded at the dapper Avenger, “Nero and I will deal with Nursery Rhyme, then. You three, back us up and keep away any spell books that would interfere with our side.” I said this as I cocked my rifle and aimed down at the malevolent Caster of a tome.

BANG!

I unloaded a well sniped shot at the floating children’s book, but all it hit was a magical barrier that shielded the impact. A burst of mana briefly flashed, as Alice soon manifested from the book. Unlike the one in Chaldea, this one contained an empty, lifeless gaze in her eyes rather than the innocent, joyous ones I had grown familiar with.

“Nero, looks like she’s getting serious!” I channeled mana into my hand, “Rouse valor upon my Servant, Impetus!”

Nero’s meteorite sword burned even brighter, as its eternal flame roared. The Saber took the hint, and rushed towards Alice with her sword at the ready. The emperor gracefully slashed about the Caster in a dance of wild rose petals, as balls of frost and flame were blasted in several directions. Even though this is my nth time seeing Nero’s swordplay, I still can’t help but be left in awe every time.

Snapping out from my daze, I quickly gave my emperor Saber covering fire from the sidelines. Slowly but surely, we were whittling down the Caster’s defenses with sword dances and Gandr shots.

“Praetor, she’s a tough one this time around, umu.” Nero took a bit to catch her breath as she dodged a salvo of fire and ice bursts from Alice once more. As our fight dragged on, the emperor couldn’t help but be exhausted from dodging the whole time. “How do you think we should go about this? That shield of hers is almost as persistent as I!”

“Heh, not to worry, I will do my part from this position.” said Andersen as he walked over to us, “It seems that you and your obnoxiously peppy Saber need some more support to take down Nursery Rhyme!” As he said this, he conjured his book and quill into existence.

The writer’s mana flared up as he grabbed his quill, “How odd that a loud and haughty emperor like you would be bound to a contract with a laidback magus, heh. Allow me to write a worthy victory for this bizarre adventure’s protagonists…”

Andersen’s mana spiked further as his book’s pages turned rapidly, “Marchen Meines Lebens!”

Suddenly, Nero and I felt even stronger as mana surged through our bodies, as it invigorated us and our wounds started to knit in an instant.

“My thanks, great author! Go rest then, little boy. We’ve got this!” I smirked at Andersen as I rapidly fired Onigashima faster than my eyes could catch on. Nero dashed and slashed around Nursery Rhyme even faster than the fire and ice could graze her dress.

“How rude! Still, I will at least worry less with this rampant Servant gone after you clean up this mess.” The author decided to hang back and fire off orbs of mana at the stray Servant as further ranged support.

“This rude and violent Alice will be done in a flash, umu! Don’t blink, Praetor!”

Nero charged mana into her blade, as a massive gout of embers shot out from it. She nimbly sidestepped another horde of the rogue Caster’s magic, and slashed forward to split the Servant in half. The mana condensed slash left rose petals and sparkles in its glamorous wake as Nursery Rhyme soon faded into gilded nothingness.

“Umu…” Nero stabbed her sword into the ground and leaned on it, “She certainly made me put up quite a performance there.”

I ended up taking a deep breath as well, as I realized how sore my right hand was from firing my rifle so rapidly. “Heh, even from the sidelines, she certainly made me work up a sweat too, Nero.” I took a look at the author who was sitting on a stray pile of books, “Well, this fulfils my end of the bargain, Andersen. So, about those leads you mentioned?”

The Caster looked back at me as his quill and tome faded away, “True enough, you lot did hold your end of our bargain. I will tell you all of such when we find a much more secure venue to do so.”

I nodded in return, “No worries about that, Andersen. We have a safehouse a couple of blocks away from this book shop, so we’ll be able discuss it over there.”

“Senpai!” I looked over to my right and found Mash, Dantes, and Mordred walking over to us. As much as they were scuffed and bruised in some parts, they seemed to have a less difficult time as we did in clearing out the bookshop.

“Good to see you all well and in high spirits, Mash.” My lilac junior decided to patch up Nero and I with healing spells and potions as we took a breather.

“Well, I can’t take much credit here. Edmond and Mordred wiped them out easily, you know?” She frowned and fidgeted a bit.

Mordred suddenly pat the upset Shielder on her shoulder, “Hey, hey, don’t put yourself down so much, you dork! You kept tanking for me and that broody bastard anyways!” She ruffled Mash’s lilac hair as she said her piece.

“As much as I detest that nickname Sir Pendragon has given me, I do agree that you are certainly more important than you think, mademoiselle.” Dantes gave my kouhai a polite bow as to express his gratitude for her.

“W-woah! You t-two didn’t have to go say all that about me!” My Shielder couldn’t help but have a bashful look on her visage, though she eventually smiled, “Still, thank you two very much. Mash Kyrielight will do her best for all of us!”

In eager agreement, Fou leapt on Mash’s head and happily chirped along.

Wait, Fou?

“Say, Mash, when did Fou get here? I actually got caught up with all the stuff that’s been going on that I forgot about this little fuzzball.” I gently pet Fou’s velvety fur as I wondered about his whereabouts.

“Ah! Well, I actually didn’t see him around, so I thought he stuck around in Chaldea. Little did I know he just arrived in Londinium quite late.” At this point, Mash picked up the fluffy boy and set him on her lap, “I was up early today and I heard scratching by the front door, and there he was!”

This fluffy boy certainly has a mind and pace of its own, eh?

As soon as we were all healed up and rested, we decided to leave the Soho bookshop and return back to our safehouse with our blunt and pessimistic Caster in tow. Currently, the author was humoring Mash and Dantes about his works while riling up Mordred every now and then with his remarks. The loud and lively banter seemed to put us at ease despite how gloomy Britannia looked veiled in thick fog.

“Say, Praetor?” Nero strutted by my side as she chewed on some taffy that Mordred gave her, “I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen or even met this pint-sized author somewhere. You wouldn’t happen to have summoned him in Chaldea yet, have you?”

I rubbed my chin in thought as I tried to recall summoning someone this short and blunt back in Chaldea’s white walls. “No memory of him comes to mind for me, Nero. Maybe you met him elsewhere?”

The short Saber just frowned at that, “That’s probably it, umu. I feel this odd rage and annoyance towards him, as if we’ve argued several times over in the past or heard him speak so bluntly to me before today.”

“Anyways, I’ll punt that pipsqueak if he ever dares to disgrace my ever glorious air with such remarks, umu!” She said in a singsong tone that worried me greatly, as she looked over her Aestus Cestus in odd anticipation.

While our cheery air was quite uplifting for us, it was ruined quite abruptly as a familiar Caster emerged from the fog.

“Hn, looks like you lot are celebrating a tad bit too early, no?”

“Caster…” I had my hands ready to draw out both Shirogane pistols as he scanned our group with steely eyes. Although upon closer look, his white garb appeared to have some tears and marks on it and his hands were quite bruised.

“So, it appears you’ve run into our other half of the party, eh? I suppose Jack is holding them off while you scurried off to find us…”

The tall Caster smiled mirthlessly, “On the contrary, I was supposed to have sought out your base of operations and tear it down myself while you left it defenseless. Jack, however, was struggling with the Servants you dispatched at Yard’s residence, I ended up having to supply her sufficient backup.”

I materialized my handguns in my hands as I got ready to fight him, “Either way, this is the end of the road, Caster. We won’t let you slip away this time.”

In response, the long haired mage took out his sword and swung it as he channeled mana into it. “We are in agreement then, though it would be unfair if all of you just ganged up on me…” As he said this, a horde of lithe dolls with blades surrounded us menacingly, cutting off any direct line to escape.

He quickly waved the sword once more and conjured torrents of high pressure water in my direction.

Shit! I won’t be able to dodge this unscathed!

My worries were put at ease as azure lightning vaporized the water bombs right in front of me. As I looked once more, I saw Dantes looking back at me with those glowing amber eyes of his.

“Heh, outnumbering us?” The Avenger lit his cigarette as he spoke, “Sad to say, that these odds are quite in our favor nonetheless…”

The Caster blinked in surprise at the noble’s sudden appearance in front of him. “We shall see about that…” He concentrated his mana once more, as fire, water, lightning, earth, and wind swirled about himself.

“I am Caster Paracelsus, the Alchemist. Come out and show me the brunt of humanity’s resolve, Master of Chaldea!”

Dantes glanced in annoyance towards the alchemist and looked back at me,“Master, shall have we this dance to end the mad Caster, oui?”

I gave the dressy Avenger a grin in response, “Let’s give this man a waltz to remember then!” I looked back at my other Servants and saw that Nero and the others were already engaged in combat.

As I said that, Dantes zoomed past Paracelsus’ automata as azure sparks traced his steps. The Avenger swiped at the mild mannered Caster with his hands, full of baleful lightning.  
His opponent responded in kind by swinging his sword and conjuring fire and wind to attempt to burn Dantes down.

While he concentrated on fighting the Caster, I made sure to blast any automata that would attempt to blindside the Avenger with their bladed arms. As much as I would’ve preferred to use Onigashima, the automata in question were too nimble for me to accurately pick them off one at a time.

Within my peripherals, I noticed one of the bladed dolls about to come at me, so I ended up rolling to the side. As I dodged the lethal arms, I replaced handguns with a longsword I just materialized.

I sidestepped to my right and channeled mana to my longsword, “Kurogane: Fleeting Swallow…” My blade of mana cleanly sliced the attacking doll in half as I striked through.

Thankfully, Okita and Raikou decided to drill me in some rudimentary swordsmanship in the case of close quarter combat like this. Kurogane, was a minimalist double-edged blade without a guard. While similar smithing techniques in Eastern blades were used, the overall design was given a clean and tactical feel to it. As strong as it is, it’s only limit is me, really. The mana efficient conduction of the armament is only good enough for me to be able to kill off anything that isn’t a Servant on my own.

Soon enough, more and more of the killing dolls appeared from the mist. While I dealt with these, Dantes was having a tricky time fighting off the alchemist, since he kept firing off runes and elemental magics one after the other.

Shit, I better buff Edmond here before we get overrun by these things…

“May the spirits sate thy hunger, Spiritus!” As I chanted out the spell, bright golden sprites surrounded the noble Avenger and soon enough, he started gathering more azure lightning in his hands.

Edmond tipped his hat at me, “Hn! My thanks, Master!” The count zoomed past the killing dolls and grabbed Paracelsus in a vengeful chokehold. “Caught you now, bastard.” He charged up his free left hand and punched the Caster right square in the jaw.

The alchemist soon recovered as he commanded one of his automata to catch him and help him up.

“Heh…”, Paracelsus coughed out a decent amount of blood as reeled in from the impact of the punch, “Well, that was a nice shot…”

Dantes and I stood at the ready as we anticipated his next move…

“I’ll end it here, however!” Various elements of nature surrounded the Caster’s short sword, “Noble Phantasm Release:...”

The alchemist’s mana sharply spiked up as he got ready to swing the blade, “...Sword of Paracelsus!”. As he finished those words, a rainbow beam of myriad elements was directed towards me and Dantes.

The last thing Paracelsus saw was an explosive pillar of light at where we stood. He looked over his work in satisfaction, “Hm! I suppose the people of Chaldea were too ambitious, after all.”

“...Oh? Who are you to decide such?”

The Caster whipped his head towards us and found Dantes and I right behind him.

“Amen to that, Edmond.” I said as I slashed away at Paracelsus and shot him in the eye with my pistol. “I guess you were the overambitious one, ser Caster.”

The alchemist fell to the ground in shock at how sudden the deathblow was. “How the...hell? Your mana signatures were gone as soon as I fired off my Noble Phantasm, so how the hell did both of you even escape…” He coughed up a fatal amount of blood and struggled to keep himself upright as he spoke to us in his death throes.

His one good eye widened in surprise as he saw the remnants of azure sparks by our feet, “You... teleported away with your Master?”

“Hn, you can put it that way.” Dantes cracked his knuckles and brushed off dirt on his coat, “Interpret my powers freely as you return to the Throne, alchemist.”

“I see then…” The Caster faced towards me, “Well played, Master of Chaldea. May your journey to the King of Mages be a fruitful path of strife, for your tenacity may be worthy enough to do so.”

As he said this, the alchemist finally faded away in golden light. The numerous killing dolls around us vanished just as quickly as their creator and soon, our battlefield became the silent and foggy borough of London once more.

“Whew! We really pulled a fast one there, Dantes.” I sighed as my knees gave in as I sat upon a cold cobblestone road. “You gotta warn me the next time you teleport away using Enfer Chateau D’If though. My body can’t just take the whole escape from time and space thing, y’know?”

Dantes chuckled, “Heh, bold of you to assume there would be a next time, Master.” The Avenger helped me up and carried me on his back, “We have to get going though, we’re already quite beat up.”

“Woah! Dantes, you give piggyback rides!” Nero exclaimed as she headed over to us with Mordred, Mash, and Hans. “You gotta give me one next time!”

“It sure is nice to see you well and about, Nero.” The noble looked at the rest of the similarly beat up Servants, “Good to see you all, as well.”

“Right back at ya, gloomy!” Mordred was propping herself on Clarent as she shakily stood up, “I’d offer to be your tag partner, but those automata fucks got me on the knee.”

As if comedically timed, the Avenger’s knees slightly buckled and wobbled, “Say, we should just get going now. I am feeling quite exhausted from today’s affairs, after all. I fancy myself a nice seat and drink right now.”

On that cue, we promptly headed back to our homely base within the fog-cursed city.

I ended up sleeping on the way back and as soon as I woke up, I was lying down on the living room couch. Once I felt the soft cushions, my eyes opened to see a sneering witch looking down at me.

“Oh? You’re finally up, you bastard.” Jeanne said while she shoveled a heap of stew in her mouth. “I had to wait up on having my dinner here since everyone else was done hours ago, y’know?”

I sat up on the couch and saw that only the living room and kitchen’s lights were turned on. Looking at myself, I saw that I was underneath a comfy quilt and still wearing my tattered up Chaldea uniform.

“Is that so? You didn’t have to wait on me, sunshine ~” I chuckled as I saw the saintess giving me a disgusted glance at her nickname. Still, she reluctantly handed me a bowl of brown stew. “...Say, what kind of stew is this?”

My companion could only shrug in response, “Hell if I know! Just eat the stew so I can rest on my couch already.” She took a spoonful and stuffed her face with it.

I took a spoon and started feeding myself the homemade meal…

“Hmm, it’s pretty good actually. Although, if Emiya was here, we’d certainly have a feast ~”

  
I mused to myself as I bit into chunks of meat and bits and pieces of potatoes and carrots. Something about the stew felt homely to it, it wasn’t the best stew out there, yet I felt warmth inside despite the irregularly cut up morsels within.

Jeanne gave a small grin as she agreed with me, “You’re right, Master. Still, it’s most likely not the worst thing you’ve had, non?” I nodded at that, while a memory from the past Singularity popped into my head.

Cue that one time Mash and I had to eat wyverns over a fire since our supplies got ransacked by bandits with an unusually high mana signature. Not even Emiya’s cooking that time could mask the gamey taste of the purple hued meat we had on that island in Okeanos.

Sure, it was edible…

My whole body cringed as I remembered how tough Mash and I had to chew on the grilled wyvern. Emiya could only look back at us apologetically since this is all we had to eat on that night.

... but shit, it’s something I don’t want to try again.

After finishing our bowls of meat and vegetables, we ended up lounging around the common room. I had briskly gone up to bathe and change my worn clothes for a fresh set of casual sleepwear.

“Eh? You’re still lingering here?” Jeanne looked at me with a peeved look on her features, “You should be resting, idiot.” The saintess also cleaned herself up and slipped into a shirt and some track pants.

“I mean, yeah, I haven’t exactly caught up with the rest of you and whatever happened with Jack.” I took up a seat on the couch next to Jeanne, “I was still worried when we parted ways and headed out here and there.”

I scanned the saintess’ body for any major injuries and such. My eyes widened in concern as they quickly latched on to her heavily bandaged abdomen, which seemed to have been freshly changed and wrapped about.

The maiden raised her eyebrow and had a slight flush on her snowy face, “You don’t have to look after me like I’m some lost pup, idiot.” She looked over the wound I was looking at, “Don’t worry about that so much, Master, that kid just got me good when I blinked. Still, I’ll fill you in on what happened on our end.”

In a nutshell, it appears that Jack gave the other party hell and back. While Paracelsus’ creations and minions were a small trial on their own, the child Assassin was a much more daunting task. This is given that L’Artoria, J’Alter, and Fran weren’t particularly nimble Servants and Jack was pretty much taking advantage of her nimble niche. Luckily, Jekyll changed into Hyde and blindsided the Assassin of the Mist as the fatal blow.

“That glasses guy? He got pretty wild earlier, hell, he went from Assassin to Berserker in a split second.” Jeanne had a look of mild amusement, “Who knew that prim and proper bastard could go batshit like that, huh?”

“This IS Jekyll we are talking about. His whole story is based on the fact that he has an evil berserk side to his goody two shoes doctor self, thanks to some weird serum he drank.” I got myself one of my remaining Sparite bottles from the bridge and went back to sit on an adjacent seat to Jeanne. “It’d be weird if you and Jeanne could do that actually…”

The maiden in question gave a disgusted sneer, “How appalling! It’s already loathsome enough to have her around in Chaldea…” She shivered in further disgust as she imagined having to share a body with her chipper twin, “It’s gonna be hell on Earth if I shared a body with that disgustingly cheery saint, eugh!”

“HAHA! Well, well, it’s nice to see you express more than death threats about Jeanne, J’Alter.” As I laughed at the dark saintess, I noticed how cute she could angrily pout at me. I could never see this kind of scenic sight with the softhearted Maid of Orleans.

I was taken out of my musing as I realized Jeanne moved a bit closer to me with glare. I only realized that as she weakly jabbed me in the gut to get my attention.

“What the hell was that for?!” I winced as I rubbed my abdomen from the soft blow. She only looked back at me with an amused smirk on her face. “Well, it looked like you were way too amused at my expense with that dopey, cute smile on your face, scumbag ~”

“Heh! You’re just too edgy to admit that you don’t mi-” Wait, what did she just say?

_“... that dopey, cute smile on your face, scumbag ~”_

The parting remark only hit me a truckload of Saint Quartz as I just processed what she actually told me. Heat was practically rising from all parts of my face as I realized that fusion of an insult and flirt.

“S-say, Jeanne? Could you repeat to me what you just said?” I scratched the back of my head out of nervousness, “I don’t think I heard you that well, y’know?”

“Heh, do you just like being degraded by me, loser? I said that-” The once smug tone of the saintess faded into silence as she just realized what she just said.

 _“Eh?! Hey, hey, that didn’t just slip out of my tongue now did it?”_ Jeanne looked away from the equally flushed Master of Chaldea, _“Shit, judging from his reaction, I think I actually said that cheesy, shitty line! Curse that saintess! Some part of her still rests in this body of mine…”_

“Jeanne? You okay back there?” I inched a bit closer to check on her, since she seemed to go a bit too quiet for herself. “Jeann-?”

My answers were quickly answered with a pillow that travelled at the speed of light. “Hey! What was that for this time?!” I rubbed my nose as I winced in some amount of pain, despite the incredible fluff of the pillow she tossed at me.

As she looked at me, she averted her eyes every now and then, but a scowl was present on her flushed face. “I didn’t say jack shit about your dopey face, idiot! If you really think I did, you’re definitely hallucinating, urgh!”

“Er, I’m sorry if I annoyed you and all, Jeanne.” I looked at her with an apologetic grin

She scoffed and turned away from me, “You should be grateful I’m keeping you company as your Servant. Just let me go to sleep now, it’s half past midnight now, you bastard.” The saintess hid under her sheets and attempted to sleep.

I pouted a bit at her rough self, so I took my leave to go back to my room with Mordred. Still, I didn’t forget to return the pillow she threw at me earlier and I neatly put it next to her fluffy mop of snow white hair.

“Idiot…” I heard her mutter that out as soon as I returned the pillow to her and I left the room with an amused smile.

I got back to my room and found Mordred on her bed with her body spread out and her sheets sprawled about the place. The spiky haired knight snored softly with a dopey smile as she ventured away in the land of dreams. I made sure to gently tiptoe to my side of the bed and turned myself in for the still misty eve.

“Honestly, she’d be really cute herself if she wasn’t this rough around the edges...” I said to myself as I snuggled further into my comfy sheets, “Still, I guess that’s her appeal, isn’t it?”

While the sole Master slept away, Mordred looked over as she got up from her fake slumber. She couldn’t help but quietly snicker to herself at this side of Ritsuka, considering how laid back he was at other times.

“Hehe, I wonder if he’ll flip if I tell him that witch was the one who cooked the stew for him. She even made the effort to hide away the actual food we had for dinner tonight.” The knight couldn’t help but cheekily smile at the antics of the two, “I’m pretty sure my other self knows all about this…”

For different reasons, the two people within that room slept dreamlessly.

**Blooper: Chaldea Break Room II: GUDAGUDA Takeover!**

As Dantes just so happened to leave for Londinium, he ended up (reluctantly) giving the keys to the Chaldea break room to a peculiar pair of Servants.

“Hm, Okita, move that sculpture a little bit to the left. Ah, hey! MY left, not your left!”

_CRASH!_

“I kept telling you that the sculpture was too heavy for the table to support, Nobu! Ugh, now we have to pay Dantes for this…” A pink haired Saber sighed in exasperation as she quickly picked up the broken fragments of the table and dragged it away to the waste area.

Shortly after, the Saber was greeted to the sight of her eternal rival of an Archer lazing about on one of the couches in the break room.

The Archer in question was Oda Nobunaga, a key historical figure in Japan who united the nation. Casually called as Nobu, she happened to arrive in Chaldea with her Saber companion after some bizarre incident that dealt with reality defying GUDAGUDA particles.

The more levelheaded of the two, Okita Souji, was widely renowned as a captain of the Shinsengumi’s 1st unit and a genius swordsman. Despite all these, she still seems to have an ever persistent case of tuberculosis even if she is a Servant already.

“Hey! We’re supposed to be manning the cafe here and not lounge around the place all to ourselves!” Okita attempted to pull Nobu out of the chair, “Don’t make me fire off my guns here, you bedridden Saber!”

Oddly enough, even Edmond himself was unsure about letting these two handle the cafe but Okita seemed responsible enough to manage both the facilities and Nobu.

“Y-you take that back!” The pink haired Saber was able to successfully pull the petite Archer off the couch at this point. “We’re going to open up shop soon, so we better set up, Nobu!”

“Fine, fine! Anything to get you to stop nagging me!” The pint-sized shogun went to the back room with Nobu to change into more appropriate wear for cafe management. The duo walked out the room wearing button up shirts, vests, and slacks that seemed classy enough to fit their establishment’s chic Eastern theme and decor.

“Woah! Is this what it feels like being as dressy as that Avenger, Nobu?!” Okita looked at herself in a mirror near the break room, “Hehe! I wonder if our Master appreciates cute Servants in formal stuff like this…”

Nobu couldn’t help but check herself out in the mirror as eagerly as her fellow Servant, “Hehe, wearing this doesn’t feel too foreign to me. Still, it feels way better than wearing my usual uniform, but hmm…” The shogun frowned as she felt like something was off as her crimson eyes looked back at her from the mirror.

“Here, I think this is what’s missing, Nobu!” Okita fished out a hat that looked similar to Nobu’s usual cap sans the golden accessory upon it. “Heh! Now I’m perfect and ready, you Shinsengumi dog!”

Soon enough, the two were able to properly set up shop and opened the cafe on time for business. While waiting for the first wave of customers, the two would take turns polishing and drying up plates, cups, and silverware.

“Hmm, do you think we’re actually ready for this, Okita? The only recent work experience we’ve had is manning the shops when we had our events…” The shogun wondered as she set down a cup she dried.

“You ever just think about whoever comes up with the currency we have there? I mean, I get the eiraku coins and gold dust, but why are golden cookies so much more valuable than those two things?! I don’t even want to begin with the Nobbu horde we kept on dealing with those times.” Okita pinched the bridge of her nose, “Geez, I shouldn’t be thinking about this so much or my--- COUGH!?”

“Hey! Leave my Nobbu army out of this! They are in my gloriously adorable likeness, after all~ ” Nobu handed the coughing Saber a clean cloth “Heh, that teaches you right for questioning anything in this money driven eroge turned gacha game…”

“Eh? What’d you say Nobu?” Okita gave the shogun a strange look after she properly cleaned her face, then her surroundings of her blood with cloth and alcohol.

“Ah. Never mind me, I think I heard someone’s footsteps approaching our shop for the first time today!” The Archer excitedly exclaimed as she stood by the cafe’s counter, while her Saber friend followed suit.

“Ah? You two ladies are running the shop?”

The door opened to reveal a tall muscular man with a golden mop of hair and purple shades on his face. Hell, even his belt was golden and was shaped to spell out “GOLD”. This man of well built physique was one of Minamoto no Raikou’s retainers: Sakata Kintoki!

“Kintoki? I didn’t take you as someone interested in mellow places like this.” Nobu looked at the Berserker with mild amusement and surprise, “Eh, well. What’re you having today, Gold?”

The man of gold gently pulled up a seat near the counter, “Hmm, I guess some houjicha and onigiri would be nice to start off with.” Kintoki looked around the place while he waited for the two to prepare his order, “Y’know? This is my first time walking into this dainty lil’ place, gotta say that Dantes guy has some taste.”

“Didn’t you know? It was more of Tamamo’s idea how to design this place.” Okita promptly served Kintoki a trio of onigiri and a pot of freshly brewed tea, “Still, Dantes did add his own touches here and there, so he’d be pleased to hear that, hm?”

“Thanks for the meal!” The golden man neatly ate his breakfast and sipped his tea, “Woah! This isn’t Emiya’s stuff, is it? It’s pretty good actually!” He looked at his pot of tea, “This tea is pretty good too, yep!”

Smugly, the Archer took the compliments in stride and Okita did so to a lesser degree. “Hehe! Shower us two with even more praise, Golden Boy! We are quite pleased that we made you a meal to your standards.” Okita smiled as she set a glass of water near Kintoki, “I’m surprised Nobu even had some finesse in tea brewing. Plus, Emiya did give me pointers on the food prep for this shop.”

“All this good stuff in the morning is a plus for me, right now.” Kintoki sheepishly laughed and smiled, “I’m actually here cuz I was looking for somewhere to, uh, lay low for a while…”

“Eh?” Both temporary proprietors of the cafe got caught off guard.

“Who are you hiding from this time? Raikou? Shuten? Hell, Tamamo?” Nobu looked at the sheepish Berserker as she tried to figure out his intentions, “Maybe all of them even?”

“Heh, you’re right on the money there…” Kintoki quickly looked around, “I’m hiding from all three of them actually and even the esteemed pharaoh himself...ha...haha.”

Perplexed, Okita wondered what drove Kintoki to hide out here. “I understand Raikou and Shuten, but what the hell is going on with Tamamo? Hey, how did Ozymandias end up getting annoyed at you?! ” As she let the golden man collect his thoughts, she picked up his empty plate and utensils.

“Well, I was practicing my Golden Spark move earlier this week and I didn’t happen to see Tamamo, who was on her way to visit Master after she had her hair and fur groomed up for half of the day, so um…” Kintoki took a sip of his tea, “I accidentally frizzed up all of that away when she got caught within the radius of my Noble Phantasm. Of course, she was furious and she ended up hurling cursed talismans and spells when I tried to apologize. “

The two Servant shopkeeps could only give him looks of pity. Nobu eventually decided to break off the silence, “That explains Casko, so what about that Ozzy-something guy then?”

The guilty expression on Kintoki’s face soon turned into a more sheepish one, “Ah, all I did was ask him how he was a Rider when he wasn’t even riding anything in particular…” The Berserker shook in some amount of fear, “I mean, he’s the only Rider here that isn’t riding anything in particular, right?”

_“Hm? You dare question my class as the apex of Riders, golden man?!” Ozymandias pointed his staff threateningly at the Berserker, “That is only merely because Mesektet is situated above in the heavens! Only I, Ozymandias, the incarnation of Ra the Sun God, am able to see and comprehend it!”_

_“Er, I mean sure, you have a fancy boat and all, chief, but can’t you actually ride it?” Kintoki smoked his cigar and made sure to blow it away from the pharaoh’s face, “Sure, I’m a Berserker now, but I have an actual ride that’s pretty golden when I’m a Rider class.”_

_“Ha?! You gilded imbecile, you will pay for your insolence before me…” The pharaoh waved his staff and suddenly a down-sized pyramid started manifesting above the Golden man’s head._

_“Ah?! Ozzy-Man? No need for this!” Kintoki threw away his cigar and started taking a few steps back, “I didn’t come here to fight you nor did I mean anything insulting!”_

_“Hoho? Can’t you become a Rider, Berserker of Gold? Why don’t use that steed of yours to run away from my Ramsesseum Tentyris?” Ozymandias started approaching the Berserker as his mana flared up with every step. “Go on, summon that gilded ride of yours, Rider…”_

_Kintoki quickly changed his Saint Graph and became his Rider self. As fast as light, his Golden Bear motorcycle manifested and he got on the bike to drive himself away from the furious pharaoh._

_“Fufu...HAHAHAHAHA! I will conquer that ride of yours and make it worthy of a Sun God!” The manic pharaoh waved his staff once more and summoned a pack of azure sphinxes._

“So, uh, that’s another reason why I’m hiding out here, you two…” Kintoki sighed as he cracked his knuckles. The two Servants in front of him could not look anymore astonished as he spun his odd tale of angering one of the most prideful men in Chaldea.

Okita’s lit up as she remembered something, “Say, Nobu, didn’t we see Tamamo with that bare chested pharaoh earlier today?” Nobu also had a similar look on her face, “Huh? Oh yeah! Tamamo was complaining about something to that Ozzy-something guy and for some reason, Ozzy looked even more menacing than usual and said that he’d take care of it for his little sister of the sun…” Both Servants soon hit a realization about certain events within Kintoki’s tale.

“Ohhhh, huh, that’s what happened…” All three Servants pondered about in the silence and peace of the break room.

“That’s rough, buddy.” The other Servants in the room all jumped in shock as a new Servant pulled up to the seat next to Kintoki. A warrior with blue hair and armor, this could be no other person than everyone’s favorite dog- Er, Lancer, Cu Chulainn, a hero hailing all the way from Ireland. The hound of Chulainn had let himself in quietly and didn’t feel like interrupting his Berserker friend’s sharing of his woes.

“Oh? Cu, what are you doing here?!” The golden haired man asked him. The two Servants had decided to just listen in to their two customers, since they lacked the appropriate brain cells to wrap their heads around the chaos of their first customer.

“Ah, I couldn’t help but listen to your tale, since well, I’m out here to hide away as well, heh.” Cu could only sigh deeply and took a swig of water that Nobu served him, “I accidentally tripped and bumped into Gilgamesh as he was enjoying some fine wine as he strutted about Chaldea…and well, you already know about my teacher, who’s pretty much looking to beat me into the ground via ‘training’.”

“Scathach? That Lancer lady that exudes the aura of a capable woman in tights?” Okita could only think about her in amazement, “Dang, she’d sound like one fine battle, don’t you think, Nobu?”

“Eh?! Don’t you know that Lancers eat cute Archers like me for an afternoon snack?! You can only say that since you have Type Advantage, y’know?” This brief outburst was met with a quick jab to her side from Okita, “Hey, hey, take it easy with the meta commentary! Our Master/writer can’t afford our rights since he did the GSSR banner this year!”

“You Shinsengumi dog! You can only act so smug and pretty since our writer rolled you and your Alter self earlier this year. He isn’t even blessed with my presence since he missed my re-run!” Sparks of war and rivalry crackled between the two Servants of the GUDAGUDA series of events.

“Uh, you two okay back there?” Both troubled Servants looked at the two with worried gazes. Okita and Nobu soon realized their lack of behavior and quickly composed themselves.

“Sorry, where were w-?!” The Shinsengumi captain was abruptly interrupted as she heard the front door break down. The door currently had a myriad of golden swords protruding from it and soon enough, a beam of light blasted through the center of the door.

“I have finally found you, you blue cockroach of a Lancer!” Gilgamesh walked through the entrance, while another equally angry ruler followed suit, “Hn! To think that you’d disgrace not just I, Ozymandias, but my beloved little sister, Tamamo-no-Mae, Sakata Kintoki…”

“Well shit, I’m gonna die here, huh?” Kintoki got a cigar and started to smoke out what may be his final taste of tobacco. Cu had similar thoughts as he fished out a cigarette and smoked as well.

“First time, huh?” As soon as Cu said those words, he couldn’t help but remember the countless times he’s been summoned by the Holy Grail and sent back to the Throne soon after. Flashbacks of being forced to stab himself with his trusty Gae Bolg and even being dragged and flung around in Fuyuki by Heracles like a stuffed animal.

Both sovereigns looked at each other, finally noticing the other’s presence. “Oh? You’re here to purge Chaldea of a disgraceful mongrel as well, Sun King?” Ozymandias nodded at Gilgamesh, “We seem to be in agreement here, King of Babylon. You must agree that these two are fools for daring to raise their blades against a king and a pharaoh, no?”

“FUHAHAHA! That much is true!” Gil snapped his armored fingers as his Chains of Heaven wrapped around the two troublemakers. “Hn! Perfection! To be chained up like the beasts you two are, is quite the fitting fate for either of you.”

“Oh come on, Gilgamesh! It was just a chalice of wine, man!” Cu said as he and Kintoki struggled within their binding chains. Suddenly, the two Servants felt the divine chains around them growing ever tighter.

“You absolute brainlet! That wine was all the way from Babylonia and a king’s pride would be based upon his treasury of weapons, riches, and drink!” The king could only glare even more with his crimson eyes, “Heh, after all, what is a king if not arrogant! FUHAHAHA!”

The two shopkeeps were currently hiding behind the counter and secretly praying that the two egotistic rulers don’t mess up even more of the shop. “Okita, how much is Dantes gonna take out of our paychecks now, huh?” The Saber could only look at Nobu with a similarly worried glance, “Don’t even remind me about that, Nobu…”

Eventually, Okita and Nobu popped up from the counter to check on the Servants. True enough, they did see the cafe trashed due to Ozymandias and Gilgamesh, but not to the point of having any extreme renovations. Eventually, the two were about to head out, but they were stopped by the GUDAGUDA baristas.

“Hey, hey! You two knucklehead kings can’t possibly leave without buying anything here and causing a mess!” Nobu all but shouted at the kings by the entrance.

“Ho? You dare address us in such an informal tone?” Gil at least gave the two a less heated glare, since he already found Cu. “Truly. We have business in other matters, Oda Nobunaga and Okita Souji.” Ozymandias gave the two Servants a more passive look.

“I mean, yeah! You practically trashed Dantes’ shop here, so the least you two could do is pay up for damages and buy something.” At this point, Nobu had a swarm of matchlock rifles pointed towards them. “I’m sure paying for damages to a little place like this is a meager amount for either of you two.”

The two kings internally debated about it to themselves, eventually, Gil answered first, “Hn! I’ll only pay for such things if you can make me a fitting confection or drink.” His pharaoh companion gave a brief nod, “Fine, I’ll allow you gutsy two the honor to serve us rulers refreshments fitting of our status! FUHAHAHA!”

Nobu quickly looked at Okita, “Okita, we planned for this! Execute the plan for the Kings of Sun and Gold!” The Saber pretty much moved her hands in incredibly quick yet precise motions as she prepped the two lieges something worthy for them. Soon enough, Nobu was done brewing accompanying pots of tea for Okita’s dishes. Before properly presenting it, the two made sure to cover it up with lids.

In a brief period of time, the two Servants served Gil and Ozzy their respective orders. “Hehe! Here you two go, straight from the Demon King of the Sixth Heaven and the Sakura Saber herself ~” Nobu and Okita unveiled their dishes as they took off the lids.

Gilgamesh was given a particularly special looking set of daifuku, as they were all intricately shaped and designed to look like mini caricatures of the different Artorias around Chaldea. The regular Artoria daifuku were purin variants, which had custard inside them. While the Altered Artorias were more traditional daifuku with azuki bean paste within. The whole set of mochi was served upon a golden plate.

On the other hand, Ozymandias was served mizu shingen mochi, which is more commonly referred to as raindrop cake. The kinako on the side was mixed in with bits of gold leaf, while the confection itself had a particularly familiar pink flower within it. In a small container, was an azure colored sugar syrup that carried a faint floral scent to it. The whole affair was neatly plated upon a gilded boat shaped container.

The two kings couldn’t help but look in amazement at their sweets and feel emotional within for various reasons. They eventually snapped out of their dazes a bit to wordlessly sample the goods.

 _“What in Kur did these two make?! Not only is this plating and appearance extremely worthy of a king, but they seem to please my tastes quite well. Hn, it’s unexpected, but I’ll take it! FUHAHA! I’ll have one of those foolish kings of Britannia to myself.”_ Gilgamesh internally praised the two as he bit into more and more of the daifuku.

“Ah, Nefertari, how I am woefully reminded of you in this imitation of a raindrop…” Ozymandias neatly fed himself pieces of the transparent treat with bits of golden kinoko and some of the sugar syrup. “Hm, hm, this treat is quite sweet and delicate, but not as much as thou…”

“How did you two like it?” Okita politely asked as she looked over the two with Nobu by her side. “You two seem to be enjoying it in your own ways even ~” The shogun eagerly looked at the royalty as she waited to be showered in their praises. Eventually, the two did finish up their confections as their captive Kintoki and Cu looked at them with jealousy as they watched them eat such fine treats.

Gilgamesh wordlessly snapped and a fine silk satchel full of precious gemstones neatly landed on his side of the table, “Fuhaha! This should be enough to tell you two mongrels what I thought of these saccharine imitations of that Pendragon woman. This should be a fitting sum to compensate for those unwieldy doors and walls and enough to net you two a substantial reward.

“Hehe! How you two Servants of the East aimed for an ever obvious soft spot of mine. Clever of you two to appeal to me by reminding of my one and only love, Nefertari! Even then, I shall grant you the honor of being the people in charge of making this particular confection for I, Ozymandias!” The pharaoh gently tapped the floor with his staff and a small housecat sized sphinx appeared toting an intricate golden brooch, with several precious gems upon it. “Hn! This should suffice as a materialization of my gratitude, so take it and weep upon my generosity.”

With the amount of riches presented unto them as payment, both Okita and Nobu could only share similarly flabbergasted appearances. In their stunned state, the two lieges quietly enjoyed their tea and got ready to leave and punish their captives.

“Now, where were we, O’ Sun?” The King of Uruk stood up and clenched his fist and soon enough, his chains tightened hard enough to wake up the two captive Servants from passing out. “I suppose we have this matter of business to sort, no?”

“Ah, yes. We have yet to rain our divine punishments upon these two mongrels.” The Sun King followed the gilded Archer as the two strutted about in their royal strides and left the break room. “You two, tell the Cavern King that this store has earned our approval and that either one of us will be returning to indulge ourselves here. Truly, I have given you lot an overabundance of gratitude and praise, haha!”

“Y-yeah, we will…” Nobu struggled to get the words out as she eyed the incredibly tidy sum they earned just for serving the two of the biggest egos within the confines of Chaldea. Okita snapped out of her reverie soon enough, as she began to quickly clean up the place using her Shukuchi.

“Now, I’m really glad my illness didn’t act up while I got fired up making those sweets for those two earlier. Good grief, was this quite a day…” The Saber pondered to herself what she would do with her cut of the profits as she cleaned up.

“Hm! I wonder if I could get to make that GUDAGUDA summer special, hehe ~” The petite Archer could only think of how she’d use her share as a start up fund for such. “At this point, I’m sure we have enough for a fitting title card for the event!”

“NOBU, NO!” Okita could only say so much until the hastily funded event title card appeared out of nowhere.

**“GUDAGUDA: Demon Imperial Summer Special!”**

Coming to FGO servers soon ~

That was a massive lie and we are not getting anything of this sort, Nobu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day, we'll have swimsuit / Summer variants for all our Servants in Chaldea.
> 
> Boy, oh, boy am I not ready for the Nian banner for Arknights and the Summer 3 Event for FGO...
> 
> I will see you all once I get back to making a new chapter once more, ciao ~


End file.
